Like A Lullaby
by xForeversEndx
Summary: Sequel to Lines Of Misery. Draco is staying with Harry and the Dursley's over the summer. Warning: Self-Harm, trigger alert. And, of course, slash. Harry is doing all in his power to help Draco get better... will it be enough?
1. Anxiety

Harry

"Harry."

"Harry!" I groan and flip over, trying to ignore the noise that's disturbing my sleep.

"Harry, please wake up..." I hear sniffing and finally come to my senses enough to realise what's going on. I open my eyes to see a blurred figured over my bed. I reach over to my nightstand and grope around until I find my glasses. I put them on, and instantly, Draco comes into view, tears running down his cheeks. I flip on the lamp and pull him towards me.

"Shh... what's wrong?"

"I'm s-sorry." He stammers. "I-I didn't want to wake you up." I shake my head.

"Don't worry about that, Draco." I say soothingly. "Another nightmare?" He nods his head into my shoulder. Draco's been staying with me at the Dursley's for the past few weeks. Dumbledore couldn't think of anywhere else to place him. He's getting better, slowly, but he still has nightmares.

"I-I should be over these by now." He mumbles as he starts to calm down a bit. I wipe a few tears from his cheeks. I really like taking care of him.

"Nonsense." I say softly. "I'm not expecting you to be perfectly okay." He nods his head and cuddles up against me. As far as I'm concerned, Draco is making considerable progress. He hasn't cut in nearly 2 and half weeks now. He's been smiling more, and he actually eats during most meals. Sometimes though, I watch as it takes over him. There are times where he just confines himself to his room, not even talking to me. I can hear him crying. And at times like this, I sit outside the door, knees to my chest, hoping he won't feel as alone.

Draco

This is the fourth or fifth time I've woken Harry up in the middle of the night. There have only been two or three nights in the past two weeks that I haven't woken up from some sort of nightmare. I'm usually crying. I try not to wake him up if I don't have to... But sometimes I can't do it on my own.

I melt into Harry's arms. I thought It was some sort of Miracle that Dumbledore sent me to go stay with him. Though I won't admit this to anyone, I think he figured Harry would keep an eye on me. I don't think he trusted me not to do something stupid while away from him.

I pull away from Harry slightly and look at my forearms. Most of the cuts have completely healed. I haven't touched a single sharp object since I got here. Harry won't let me. The scars from my suicide attempt are long and dark down my arms. Madam Pomfrey healed them completely after my meeting with father. I start to cry again, thinking of this.

"Shh..." Harry croons. "You're okay. I'm right here."

"He's s-still out there." I cry. "H-he'll come find me."

"No, Draco, he won't." Harry says softly. "Dumbledore won't let that happen." I sniff. The urge to cut overwhelms me. My stomach flutters with unexplained anxiety. A sensation I can usually banish by slicing my skin. I feel restless, scared. My closed scars burn, as if begging to opened. I clench my fists, trying to get rid of the urge.

"Harry..." I whisper. "I need..." But I stop. What do I say? I can't just tell him I need a razor. But he seems to understand.

"You don't need it, Draco." I cry harder. The sensation in my stomach is making me feel sick, growing stronger and stronger, begging for release.

"Yes I do..." I whisper. "I can't make it stop."

"I know it's hard." He tells me. "I know." He holds me tighter.

Harry

I feel like I'm trying to get him through withdrawal. In a way, I am. The cutting is an addiction, no way around it. All I can do is hold him until the urge goes away.

"Just once..." He pleads. I lay down and motion him down with me. I stare into his gray eyes, wiping more tears from his pale cheeks.

"Never going to happen, Draco." I tell him. "I'm not going to let you hurt yourself just because you got yourself into an addiction." He sniffs. I grab his hand and hold it tight. His eyes close. I flip the light off and listen to him breathing. After a while it slows, slower, slower, until I know he's asleep. Giving him a kiss on the forehead, I slide out of the bed.

The Dursley's don't know that our relationship extends any further than just friendship, and I don't want to risk the two of us being found in the same bed. So regretfully, I wonder down the hallway and into Draco's room. I smirk as I remember Aunt Petunia's face when she was told she had to give up the guest room. I crawl into Draco's bed, inhaling his scent, and fall asleep almost instantly.

Draco

I wake up, alone, in Harry's room. I don't panic. This isn't the first time he's snuck out when I fall asleep in here. We have to keep our relationship secret. I sit up to find that the fluttering is still in the pit of my stomach, though not nearly as intensely as last night. This I can manage. Constantly, I am followed by the small, nagging anxiety that's resided in my body since the last time I cut. Harry says that it will go away with time. So far it gets worse with each day, and I'm afraid it will get to be too much.

I stand up, needing to steady myself for a moment against the nightstand. I can still see last nights nightmare clear in my mind. Subconsciously, I bring my hand to my throat. The small cut I caused there is gone now, but I can almost still feel its sting. Despite the fact that I've been freed from my father's abuse, I'm still having thoughts. My self esteem is gone, and my depression and anxiety are still going strong. But I've been fighting.

I walk down the stairs to find Harry's family in the dinning room. Harry's made breakfast and as I walk in, he nods at me, giving me a look of reassurance. I nod back.

"I don't want anything." I mumble, hearing that my voice is scratchy. He looks reproachfully at me.

"You sure?" He asks, trying to sound casual around the Dursley's. They don't know about, as Harry likes to put it, "my fragile condition" either. They've seen the scars, and Dudley's called me a freak, but Harry seems to think it would be a bad idea for them to know that I'm still a bit sensitive. I agree. I don't really want to end up in therapy.

"Yeah, I'm sure." I tell him. I feel nauseous this morning. The anxiety is manageable, but it's still too bad to eat with right now.

"Okay..." He says. He sounds a little apprehensive.

"Hey, freak." I turn to glare at Dudley, with his face stuffed with food. He's absolutely repulsive.

"It's Draco." I say coldly.

"Whatever. So what, you anorexic too?" He's taunting me. I won't take the bait.

"No. I'm just not hungry. Not to say anorexia might not do _you_ some good though," I sneer, looking him up and down. He glares at me. I glare back.

"Shouldn't you be off cutting yourself or something?" He asks me, annoyed. "What are you doing down here with the rest of the normal human race?" His words hit me like brick, and the anxiety increases at a nearly paralyzing rate. Harry jumps in.

"Hope you don't mean yourself Dudley." He says. "You don't count as normal. Hell, pig doesn't count as human at all. Leave him alone." Harry places a hand on my shoulder, trying to bring me to my senses.

"Come on. Let's go for a walk." He says gently. I nod. Maybe some fresh air will do me well.

**I know this isn't very eventful, but I wanted to get the story posted, so my readers know that the sequel is, in fact, being written. In the future, expect fluff, angst, and all that. This is just and into. Regardless, please R&R. I'd like to know that people are at least reading the sequel. **


	2. The Playground

Draco

Harry and I wonder through his neighbourhood, hand in hand, as I try to get the feeling away from me.

"You okay?" He asks me cautiously. I shrug.

"I don't know..." I say monotonously. "I feel like I'm gonna cry... but what's new?" Harry frowns and holds my hand tighter.

"It'll get easier." He promises. I sniff and wipe a hand across my eyes. I'm determined to not actually cry right now. "Just breathe." He says calmly.

As we walk, I try to take in the air around me. Glance at the sky, listen to the birds. But everything seems distanced and diluted, kind of like I'm not actually part of the world around me. Instead, I'm trapped in a black pit, sucking me down, further and further, until it's getting hard to breathe.

"When is it going to get easier, Harry?" I ask, ashamed that my voice wavers.

"I don't know." He says gently. "It could tomorrow... or it could be months. But it _will_ get there. I promise."

"What if I'm just too far gone to be saved?" I choke back a knot in my throat. He stops and puts a finger to my lips.

"Don't say that, Draco." He whispers. "Don't ever, ever say that." He moves his finger and kisses me gently. I kiss back, harder, running my tongue lightly along his bottom lip as tears start to run slowly down my cheeks. He responds, eagerly.

Harry

As we stand in the middle of the sidewalk, all we can feel and see is each other. Blinded by passion. He's crying again, but I've grown used to this. It will be a while before his emotions are under control.

I forget where I am entirely until a white truck drives slowly past us, the window rolled down.

"FAG!" Someone taunts at Draco and me. I don't know who as I don't stop kissing him. I flip whomever it off and they drive away, laughing. Draco seems to have not noticed a thing. He's responding desperately to my kiss. When we do finally break apart, I reach forward and ghost my thumbs across his cheeks, wiping away tears that are still falling. I look into his stormy grey eyes, filled with desperation, fear, sorrow, but I notice a new emotion. Hope. Something I haven't seen in his eyes since I found him in the empty classroom so long ago.

I pull him into a tight embrace, leaving him to bury his head in my shoulder as I rub his back lightly.

"You're okay." I whisper in his ear. "It's all going to be alright."

"It hurts so much." I hear him mumble.

"Shh. I know. I know." Slowly and surely, Draco stops crying, and I pull away from him, taking his hand as we continue to walk.

"I'm sorry." He whispers. I sigh. One would think he'd gotten the idea by now, but he clearly hasn't. He still apologises nearly every time he breaks down and cries.

"Draco," I say reproachfully, "what did I tell you the night I came to see you in the hospital wing? What do I always say?" He blushes.

"Don't ever apologise for crying." He says shyly, wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand.

"And I'm going to remind of that every time until you finally get it through your dense skull." I tell him, with teasing tone. He gives a watery laugh, and then sighs.

"I just feel so pathetic, Harry. I'm so tired of crying... but I can't help it. I mean, how long is it going to take before I can stop crying over this?" I look at him sadly.

"I don't know, baby. But it's nothing to be ashamed of." I say comfortingly. "Don't bottle it up. It will make it even harder." I almost mention that it would also increase the urge to cut, but that's the last thing I want him thinking about at the moment. He sniffs again and nods.

"Come on. You need to get your mind off things. Let's go to the park."

He answers with a weak "Okay" and we set off again.

Draco

As many times as Harry tells me not to apologise, I can't stop myself. How many times have I cried in front of him? I don't really want to know...

Father had to have been telling some element of truth when he told me that Harry would grow sick of my incessant crying. I've had nightmares about it too... Nightmares where Harry comes to me and calls me pathetic. Nightmares where he laughs at me for breaking into tears just because my father hits me... On nights like those, no matter how hard it is, I don't go wake him up in a desperate fear that my dream would come true.

I hear little kids playing and I realise that we've approached the park. I smile to myself. I've always loved kids... I let go of Harry's hand, upon noticing a few looks we're receiving from nearby parents. As much as their disapproval angers me, we're just here to relax, not cause a scene. I'll humour them. Harry seems to understand my train of thought and smiles at me.

We each sit on a swing. I stare out at the playing children and smile. It's getting easier to breathe. The anxiety starts to go away. It's bittersweet. They seem so innocent. Unaware. They're the lucky ones... When I was their age, I was learning survival instincts. I little voice tugs me out of my reverie.

"What's your name?" I look down to see a little dark haired girl with blue eyes staring at me. She looks about five or six.

"My name's Draco." I tell her. She giggles.

"That's a funny name." I smile.

"It is a funny name, huh? What's your name?"

"Haven." She tells me with a finger in her mouth, "Wanna play with me?" She asks.

"Sure." I say standing up. I look at Harry, who makes it quite clear that he's staying where he is. He's never been great with little kids.

Draco

I watch Draco play with the little girl with a smile on my face. This is the most content I've seen him since... well... ever. I know this is way in the future, but if we end up married, I can't help but think of what a great parent Draco would be. I know he'd strive to be the dad Lucius never was.

He seems so happy out there with that child. He's laughing, smiling. In a sick way I'm sort of jealous because I've never been able to get quite that contentment out of him. But inwardly I know why he feels so at place here...

He's trying to recreate his childhood. When he was young, he never got to play. He never had that youthful innocence. But here, he can have that.

And I sit on the swing, grinning, and pleased with myself for bringing him here. And I can't help but think:

I LOVE to see him smile.

**Had to have SOME fluff. Haha. The whole story doesn't do this. But I figured before the plot thickens, I'd add some happiness. And no, before anyone asks, this fic is not going to be QUITE as depressing as Lines of Misery. Again, R&R. I live for your reviews. ******** Love you all. **


	3. They're Out There

Harry

I've been watching Draco play with the little girl for a while now, and I'm starting to get bored. And thirsty. I take notice of a drinking fountain on the other side of the playground and stand up from the swing.

"Where are you going?" I turn to see Draco, staring at me with a panicky expression. I almost laugh. He's been making so much progress I nearly forgot his attachment issues.

"I'm just getting a drink, Draco." I tell him in a tone that would implicate him as a child. "Thought we should probably leave soon. It's almost lunch." He nods.

Draco

I turn to Haven, who's playing at my feet.

"Hey, I have to go now, okay?" She pouts.

"Okay." I smile at her and run over to Harry, who's drinking at the fountain now. I wrap my arms around him, no longer caring who watches.

"I thought you were leaving me here..." I say quietly. I hear him sigh, knowing the lecture that's to come.

"Draco," he says, turning around in my arms, his arms around my neck, facing me.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I'm never going to leave you." I flush, ashamed at my near panic attack. My heart is still pounding...

"I know." I say softly. "It just... scared me." I yell at myself when I feel a lump in my throat at the prospect of being left alone.

"Besides," he says, taking on a serious expression. "I still don't trust you by yourself. Hell, you tried it in a room full of people... you honestly think I'd ever consider leaving you alone?"

"I'm getting better." I mumble at my feet.

"I don't care. Draco." He tells me. "How many times is it now? Three?" I nod. "Exactly. Getting better or not, how am I supposed to know? I'm sorry baby, but I can't trust you. It will be a while before I do." His tone turns comforting. "I'm never going to leave you alone when you don't want to be. I love you. You need to understand that." I bite my bottom lip.

"I love you too..." My voice breaks. Memories are running through my mind. The bathroom, the tower, the dorm. The blood, the drop, the feel of the blade to my throat.

"Oh, Draco, don't cry." Harry says softly, seeming to sense what I'm about to do.

"I'm sorry." I say, my lip starting to tremble. "I'm sorry I put you through all that. I just didn't think I had any way out." I feel the tears start to sting my eyes. "I still don't... I d-don't know if I-I can d-do this."

Harry

Draco falls into my arms and I instantly feel guilty. I keep forgetting how sensitive he is. I probably just sent him back into the black hole that is the depression that's been eating him alive.

"I'm sorry, baby." I whisper, rubbing his back. I hate making him cry. "I'm sorry. Shh. It's okay. I'm not gonna leaver you. Not ever. I never want to be without you." A lump forms in _my_ throat now. "I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you. You've got to be strong. Be strong for me, Draco."

"I'm not strong." He murmurs into my shirt, and I get a strong sense of déjà vu.

"We've been over this." I say, kissing the top of his head. "Yes you are. You're stronger than you think." He looks up at me with tears on his perfect pale cheeks. He whispers.

"If I was strong, I would have been able to just cut my throat right there." He's deadly calm. "I would have hesitated. If I was strong, I'd be dead now."

"No," I say, fighting to keep my voice steady. "No, that makes you strong. I means a part of you didn't want to die. A part of you wanted to live. A part of you was strong." He shakes his head.

"I was scared." He whispered. "I wanted to see you one last time." His voice breaks and his lip trembles.

"That's a good thing, Draco." I sniff. "You weren't supposed to die, baby. "You're supposed to be here, with me."  
"Do you promise?" The same desperation and hopelessness is back in his perfect grey eyes again. I feel sick. He looks like he did the day we talked out by the lake. Just as lost. Just as done with life.

"I promise. You have no idea how much I mean that." He puts his head on my shoulder and I just hold him. I just hold him and let him cry, hoping with all my heart that this will pass. He was doing so well...

Draco

I love Harry so much. I've been clinging to him like this for months, and he's only ever lost patience with me once. If it were me, I'd be gone by now. It's a miracle he's stayed this long.

For a while, I just cry, there, in his arms, in front of the drinking fountain. I don't care who sees. I don't care that some of the parents are glaring, ushering their children a way. I don't care about the concerned looks on some of the faces, wondering if I'm okay. Well I'm not. I don't care about the smirks on the faces of some of the teenagers in the park.

Fuck them.

I need this.

Eventually, though, I do calm down. Wiping teas from my cheeks, I look into Harry's emerald eyes and I realise that I don't need anything but him. I'm breaking down in public places now, crying in front of total strangers, but I don't care, as long as Harry is there to comfort me. I lean forward and kiss him lightly.

"Thank you." I whisper against his mouth.

"I'm always going to be here, Draco." He whispers back. I nod.

"I know."

"Come on, let's go home now." He takes my hand, and I grip it, tightly, searching for reassurance. The anxiety has returned to my stomach.

"You're okay, Draco." He tells me in a tone that would be used to comfort a child. I don't know why, but that always helps, if just a little.

Harry

Draco and I get back to number 4 right at lunch time. We stop outside the door, and I look him over closely. His recent crying is pretty noticeable, and I pray that Dudley won't notice. He's been a bit more sensitive today than he has been in a while, and I only just calmed him down.

I let go of his hand, and open the door. I groan. Dudley has one of this gang members over. Piers Polkins. God knows I've grown tired of him.

"Oh, look. Potter and uh... who's this?" He looks Draco over.

"One of Potter's friends," Dudley says uninterestingly, too busy with the picture on the telly to care.

"Friend?" Piers says raising his eyebrows. "I didn't know Potter had friends." He smirks. "Boyfriend maybe." I silence Draco with a look, reminding him that the Dursleys can't know.

"Funny Piers, I could say the same thing for you and Diddykins here." I sneer. "There's got to be _some _reason you follow him around all the time." The funny thing is; I think Piers might actually be gay. He's not into Dudley though. No one can possibly be into him. But I get the feeling that his eyes linger on me a bit too long for comfort, and now, he's eyeing Draco. I resist the urge to break his nose like I did to Blaise sixth year.

Stay away from him, I want to say, he's mine. You can't have him.

"Looks like boyfriend here's got a bit of an emo side." He says, calling attention to the scars. Draco folds his arms, hiding them, his eyes going off into a silent reverie.

"My name is Draco." He says quietly. He glares at Piers. He wonders into the kitchen, and I have to hold myself back as Piers' eyes follow him.

"Fuck off Piers," I say coldly. I follow Draco into the kitchen.

I start pulling bread out of the bread box and peanut butter and marmalade from the cabinets. Draco is standing in the middle of the kitchen floor, his arms folded to his chest, like he's cold.

"You okay?" I ask him, putting down a paring knife next to the apple I intended to slice. He seems like he's lost in his own head. He nods.

"Yeah." He walks across the room and picks up the knife. "What does emo mean?" He moves to slice the apple, but before he touches it with the blade, I pull the knife out of his hand. The sight of him holding it gives me chills.

"I don't want you touching these." I tell him. I start slicing the apple myself. He sighs.

"Fine." He answers, resigned. "What does emo mean?" I look at him gently.

"It means emotional. Just a term for a certain social group of muggles." I say slowly, making sure to word it so he doesn't feel pathetic. "Sometimes emos are cutters. Don't take it too much to heart, Draco. He's just being an arse."

_(__**AN: **__I have nothing against emos, for the record. In fact, I find them sexy [boys and girls alike] and I'm often called one myself. But realistically, it is something he would be called.)_

Draco continues to stare at the knife I'm using, now to slice another apple. I pretend not to notice this, put it down, and set work making sandwiches.

"It's not necessarily a nasty term, Draco. Only arseholes like Piers spit it down." He keeps his arms crossed to his chest and says nothing. "Draco?" I abandon the food and go up to him, placing one hand on each shoulder, trying to look into his eyes. He avoids my gaze. "Draco, talk to me." I say. "What's wrong?" He looks into my eyes, his own grey ones troubled.

"Am I pathetic, Harry?" He asks quietly. I bring him into a hug. He continues to stare blankly at the wall behind me.

"Of course you aren't, Draco." I tell him before letting go of him. "Why would you think that?"

"Because I'm gay." He whispers. I wince. He's always been insecure about his sexuality. "Because I'm a cutter." He continues. "Because I'm crying all the time. Because I tried to kill myself. Three times. Am I pathetic, Harry?" He looks back into my eyes. "Don't lie." I sigh, and look deeply into his eyes?

"Do I'm pathetic, Draco?" He looks confused.

"Of course not..."

"Because I'm gay aren't I? I have to be, I'm dating you." He stares. "Do you think I'm pathetic, Draco? I have scars on my arms." I say, showing him mine in emphasis. "Do you think I'm pathetic, Draco? Because I tried to kill myself too." I run a finger down the offending scar on my left forearm.

"You're one of the least pathetic people I know." He whispers.

"Then you're not pathetic either." I state firmly. "Just because fuckers like Piers don't understand doesn't mean you need to doubt yourself." He stares for another moment, comprehending this. Slowly, he smiles.

"Thanks Harry." The weight seems to lift from his shoulders. I smile back.

"It's no problem, Draco. Now come eat. Please." I grab the sandwiches and apple slices off the counter and put them on the table.

Draco

I sit down and stare at the plate, unsure of whether or not I should risk it.

"Harry I... I don't know if I should..." The anxiety reels, making my scars itch and my stomach sick.

"You need to eat something, Draco." He says firmly. "You didn't eat breakfast either. Come on. At least try." I sigh, knowing that there's no way to convince him otherwise. I pick up the sandwich and take a bite. It tastes like cardboard, but I can swallow without feeling too nauseous. Harry smiles at me, and I smile weakly back.

"Are all of Dudley's friends like that?" I ask, wearily, knowing that one Blaise-like figure is already more than I can handle. The thought of two scares me.

"They're all pretty bad." Harry says ominously. "You learn to ignore them. Especially Piers. Please try to ignore the gay comments. I'm pretty sure he only does it because he's trying to hide himself... There's nothing wrong with you, Draco. You've got to understand that." I pause, thinking this over.

"I know..." I say softly, knowing the even if there were, Harry would be there for me. "I know."

But there's a part of me that's still scared. Scared of men in general. I glance out the window, thinking of father. Thinking ofSnape. Thinking of _Him. _They're out there.

They all are.

**AN: **No, you're not missing anything. I'm not telling you who _He _is. Harry doesn't know yet, so why should you? You'll find out in due time. R&R please, your reviews are my life.


	4. The Only One

Draco

Dudley's friend just left. He's been here all day, dropping insults on me every time I walk past. About my cuts. About my scars, my bloodshot eyes. What he didn't seem to realise, was that every time he made fun of me for cutting, he made the anxiety in my stomach worse and worse. He was hurting me, bringing me closer and closer to crying. Making the urge to cut worse and worse until it's almost unbearable.

And I didn't realise how much he was hurting me until he left. And now, suddenly everything impacts me at once, speeding toward me like a Firebolt. Suddenly, and unexpectedly, I feel worthless, helpless. Tears rush to my eyes as I realise I've been holding it all back the whole time he's been here. I'm worth nothing...

Harry

Suddenly, Draco starts crying. Right in the middle of the living room, tears start running down his face. He doesn't seem to notice me or Dudley at all.

"Draco..." I say cautiously, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Draco, what's wrong?" I usher him upstairs, knowing I can't talk to him properly with Dudley in the room. I wipe gently at his cheeks. "Baby what's the matter." He sits down, pulling his knees to his chest, his back resting on the side of my bed.

"I'm not worth anything." He whispers, staring blankly at the wall. "He's right; I'm just a pathetic, suicidal freak who doesn't belong here. I sigh, understanding what this is about. Piers better stay away for a while. I'm going to smash his face in the next time I see him.

"Draco, that's not true." I say softly. "Of course you belong here. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me." He looks at me, disbelief shining in his eyes.

"How am I supposed to know that?" He asks. "You're out numbered Harry. Piers, Father, Dudley, Snape, Blaise and..." He cuts off.

"And who, Draco?" He goes off, thinking for a moment and shakes his head, still crying.

"No one. That's it." He says shortly. I know there's something else, but if he's not ready to tell me, I won't push him. Draco takes a deep, shaky breath. "The point is, Harry, all those people think I'm worthless. You're the only one who says I'm not. Who am I supposed to believe, Harry?" He seems desperate.

I kneel down on the ground in front of him so that I'm at his level, and stare intently into his desperate, lost, hopeless grey eyes.

"Do I look like someone who would lie to you?" I ask, knowing that I'm giving him the most intense look I've ever given. He shakes his head, seemingly speechless. I wipe tears from his face. "It doesn't matter how many people say that. Because you know what? You have me. And you will always have me. Forever. Doesn't that mean something? What makes their opinion so important, Draco?"

"I-I they... n-nothing I guess." He swallows, lost in my stare. He sniffs and wipes at his cheeks, blushing, evidently embarrassed. "Gods," he mumbles. "I'm so damn sensitive..." he's half laughing at himself, but I can see a part of him that's still troubled. I smile.

"I think it's cute." I say honestly. In the past few months I've realised how much I love putting him back together. I don't mind that fact that he cries so much. I think it's adorable. He looks at me in disbelief.

"Cute?" I nod, coming closer, and closer.

"Adorable." I whisper. He smiles, blushing brighter than ever. He removes his knees from his chest, and stares into my eyes, a look in his eyes that say "kiss me. Kiss me, Harry, please." And how am I supposed ignore a demand like that.

I capture his soft, pink lips with my own, letting myself dissolve into passion. He responds eagerly, playing with my tongue, experimenting. When we finally break apart, I feel lightheaded. Draco's shaking slightly, which he tends to do when we make out like this. He trembles, breathing heavily, and gets this dazed expression on his face that I find irresistible. In a moment I'm attached at the mouth again, wanting more. He's more than willing. I bring my hand up and run it through his gorgeous, silky blonde hair, and he closes his fists on the back of my shirt, bringing me closer and closer.

Suddenly, Draco has me lying on the ground, his body fitting perfectly on top of mine, kissing with every emotion he has. I let him take control. I've long since learned that he has dominance. When I overpower him, he gets scared. He breaks off, lost in a reverie of his father and gods know what else. There's a slight bite to his kisses. He realises a moan that sets my pants on fire, desire fills me, and I wish we could take this further. But again, he won't let me. He's not ready, and as much as I want this, need this, I would never, ever, force him into it.

Suddenly, footsteps on the stairs make us jump apart, and a split second later, Dudley barges in.

"Where's the remote?" He asks, glaring at the both of us.

"I-It should be on the t-telly." I say. I'm out of breath, and my brain isn't functioning clearly.

"Well it's not." He says in annoyance. "So where is it?" I glare at him, more annoyed that he broke us up than placing the blame on me.

"I don't know. Go find it." I snap. He stomps out of the room. I turn back to Draco, but buy the time Dudley's gone, I've come to my senses. We shouldn't be doing this. Especially now that Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon are home.

"I'm going to go take a shower." I tell Draco. "When they go to bed, we can pick up where we left off." I wink.

"Can I come with you?" He breathes. His question surprises me, catching me completely off guard. Of course, every fibre in my being is begging to let him join me, but I can't allow it. I frown.

"Sorry, Draco. My aunt and uncle..." He blushes, suddenly realising what he just said.

"R-right, of course."

Draco

When Harry leaves, I stay in the room for a moment, trying to catch my breath. That was... amazing.

I need a drink of water.

I wander downstairs into the kitchen, receiving glares from Harry's aunt and uncle as I do so. I've since learned to ignore this. Pretending they aren't there, I grab a glass from the cabinet and get some wonder for the sink. As I'm busy drinking it, something shiny catches my eye. Something glinting. Something calling to be from the countertop.

My scars sting, burn.

The shiny object is the paring knife that Harry used today. And it's calling to me. The compulsion is impossible to ignore. The anxiety is making me sick.

I glance into the living room to be sure that Harry's aunt and uncle are concentrated on the telly. Confident that they are, in a single fluid motion, I grab the knife. Concealing it under my shirt, I sneak back up the stairs to my room, and close the door.

Sitting down on the bed, I test the blade against my fingertip to find it gloriously, miraculously sharp.

I stare down at my arm.

I think of Harry.

But, for not the first time, the guilt I feel for doing this is drowned out by the need.

I put the blade on my arm, and without another thought, I press down, and pull. I release a breath I didn't know I was holding as I watch blood bead up on the straight, stinging cut. I watch in run down, and feel more relieved than I've ever felt in my life. I cut again, and again, and again.

The anxiety is finally going away. It's a rush. Exhilarating, to feel that sting again. I'm on a cloud, lightheaded, lost in the feel of my self-inflicted cuts. Somewhere, in the back of my brain, I know this is wrong, but

I

Can't

Stop.

I move to my other arm. Cutting myself to shreds.

Harry

I step out of the shower, thinking about Draco, my mind still on our encounter in the bedroom. I dress, and return to my room to find it empty. I can see the flickering light of the telly downstairs, so my family hasn't gone to bed. But either way, I want to find Draco.

I wander down the hall to his room.

The light is on.

The door is closed.

I knock lightly.

"Draco?" Without waiting for a response, I open the door. What I see rushes me with more emotions than I can comprehend at one time.

Anger

Fear

Despair

Betrayal

Sadness

Pity

Draco is sitting on his bed, now looking at me, panicked. His arms are littered with fresh cuts, none of them deep enough to be particularly dangerous, but still; They're there.

I fight back tears as I rush over to him, taking the knife from his hands. Half of me wants to hit him, in the hopes that I can bring him to his senses, but the rational part of me reminds me that if I do that, he'll never trust me again.

"Draco!" I manage to yell. "What are you doing!?" He stares, seeming lost.

"I don't know!" He yells. "I don't know I just saw the knife and I- Harry I..." He bursts into tears and I realise that my behaviour is panicking him. If I yell, he yells, scared, confused. I need to stay calm. I take a deep, slow breath and sit down beside him.

"Draco," I say slowly, in a measured voice. "Draco, what happened?" My voice shakes a bit, and I'm unsure if it's out of panic, anger, or tears. He's crying too hard to speak and I wince out of guilt. I'm the one who caused him to panic. "Calm down." I say softly. "You're okay. Just breathe, alright? Breathe." He slowly calms down. "What happened? You seemed fine when I left." I remind myself that this is why I can't trust him.

"I-I don't know." He says, and I can tell he means it. "I just saw the knife, you know? I saw it... I saw it and I grabbed it." He breaks off in tears for a moment. "And everything rushed back at me... I couldn't help it Harry!" He starts sobbing again, ashamed of himself. I pull him to my arms, rocking him back and forth.

Back and forth.

"Shh... I understand. But that doesn't make it okay..." I sigh, remembering just how impulsive the cutting can be.

"I'm not okay." I hear him mumble into my shoulder. "I'm not okay, Harry!"

"Shh... it's going to be alright. We're going to get through this baby, I promise."

He was doing so well...

Draco

What have I done?

Oh my god, what have I done?

I let him down...

I'm such an awful boyfriend.

An awful person.

No wonder he doesn't trust me.

"Why do I have to be so fucking impulsive!" I yell at myself. Harry seems alarmed.

"Draco, listen to me. We are going to get you through this. I'll help you. You're not doing this alone."

"I'm such an awful person," I whisper, fully expecting him to agree with me. He shakes his head.

"No." He says. "No you're not. You just had a bit of a slip up, that's all. It will be okay." I sniff, starting to calm down a little.

"I can't do this, Harry." I hate how defeated my voice sounds.

"Yes you can." He whispers. "Yes you can."

He's the first person who's ever told me I can do something.

Father treated me like dirt. Snape treated me like an insect. Blaise, Draco, and Dudley treat me like a freak. You-Know-Who thinks I'm his servant... and _He... _well... oh god. No. I can't think about it...

I get up and rush to the bathroom, suddenly sick. Harry comes in a moment later and rubs my back as I lean over the toilet, sickened by the memories. Once I'm confidant that I'm not going to throw up again, I flush the toilet and allow myself to sink back into Harry's arms.

Yes, Harry's the only one who's ever told me I can do something.

**There you have it. So, my beloved readers, what do you think? **


	5. Discovery

Harry

It's the morning after Draco's slip up with the razorblade. He's not up yet, and nor are the Dursley's. I set my alarm to go off early this morning and right now I'm in the kitchen, removing knives from the drawers. I take every knife I can find, including the one he used last night. I rinse it off, sickened by the sight of his blood dried on the blade. I take it and its companions and put them on the top shelf of the cupboard under the stairs. Although Draco has no reason to look in what used to be my bedroom, I take the key and lock it.

When I get back to my room I place the key under my mattress and something catches my eye. Thumbtacks. I remove the push pins from my cork board and hide those as well, and move to the bathroom. I know first handily that, although it's difficult, it's quite possible to draw blood with a shaving razor on purpose.

The Dursley's will certainly be annoyed, but I'd rather this than have Draco go back to the blade. I search the house a final time for dangerous objects and confiscate a number of things. Letter openers, manual pencil sharpeners, and a box cutter. I also throw away an old picture frame that's been broken for years, and hide any quills from my trunk. Once I'm confident that I've successfully Draco-proofed the house, I return to bed, hoping to get at least another hour's worth of sleep.

Draco

I wake, unpleasantly, to screaming.

"POTTER! WHAT'VE YOU DONE WITH OUR KITCHEN KNIVES?! POTTER!" Kitchen knives? Wondering what exactly this is about I slide out of bed and nearly leave the room without a sweatshirt. Luckily, I catch my mistake, throwing on a grey zip up before leaving the room. I have cuts to hide again...

I run headlong into Harry in the hallway, who still seems to be nearly asleep.

"What is he talking about, Harry?" He just shakes his head softly and pushes gently past me, wondering down the stairs. I follow him quietly, staying a few feet back, very much intimidated by his uncle.

"What have you done with our knives, boy?"

"What are you talking about?" Harry feigns innocence, and I glance around, noticing that the knives are missing from the kitchen. My stomach drops to my feet as I understand what this is about. He's hiding them from me.

"Harry." I whisper, feeling sick. I don't want him in trouble because of me. This is my fault. "Harry..." He waves me silent.

"What I am talking about, is that our kitchen knives have gone missing. What happened to them?"

"How should I know?" I he asks irritably. "Maybe some murderer thief came in and stole them for a weapon to use against their next victim. The sarcasm in his tone would usually make me laugh, but right now, I just feel sick to my stomach.

"You know damn well that's not true boy, now where have you put them?"

Harry

Uncle Vernon is beet red, but after their last letter from Dumbledore, I know they wouldn't dare lay a hand on me. I have them trapped.

"I can't tell you that, Uncle Vernon." I say shortly. Draco rushes out of the room and upstairs. The idea of leaving him alone at all seems irresponsible at the moment...

"Why the bloody hell not?" Uncle Vernon is growling at me through gritted teeth.

"Because it's a secret, obviously. Listen, I would tell you if I could, but I can't. It's not up to me to tell, because it's not my secret to reveal." I turn and walk out of the room, knowing that they'll be furious for a few hours and then forget about it completely. I left one knife on top of the fridge for cooking use. If that goes missing, I'll be able to tell right away.

I hurry up the stairs, and hear soft sobbing from Draco's room. He's on his bed, face in his pillow, crying, and I have no idea why. I sit down on the side of his bed and rub his back gently.

"What's the matter, Draco?" I ask gently, not wanting to upset him further. He looks up at me, and I marvel at the fact that, even after all this time, it still breaks my heart to see him cry. He stares at me for a moment, in silent tears, and then just cuddles up against me, eyes closed. I hold him. I don't know what's wrong, and I don't even know if it's important, so I just hold him.

Draco

The moment Harry wraps his arms around me, I stop crying. I feel so safe with him. I've never been more comfortable than I am curled up against his soft chest, breathing in his scent. I need him so much its ridiculous, but I wouldn't want to trust anyone else with my life. I just lay here. I don't speak. I don't need to speak. I just think.

For once, I feel content. Worries about _him_, You Know Who, and my father are chased out of my mind for a moment. I'm not entirely sure why I started crying in the first place. All I know is that Harry made it go away. And that's all that matters.

Harry

Slowly, Draco falls asleep with his head in my lap and I take in every feature of his face. His soft lips are content. His face isn't lined with worry and fear. Despite the dried tear trails on his cheeks, this is the most relaxed I've even seen him. I kiss his soft pink lips and stroke his cheek with my hand. He such angelic, flawless features in sleep that he looks almost childlike, without a care in the world.

Looking at him in sleep, it's hard to imagine how badly he's been hurt. My poor baby... (AN: okay, that might be a LITTLE too OCC, but I couldn't help it). It breaks my heart to look at him, knowing that he's so suicidal; that he actually finds comfort in the thought of dying. I gently grab Draco's arm and bring it towards me.

Carefully, I pull up the sleeve of the grey sweatshirt he's wearing, the one that so perfectly matches his eyes. I wince as I look at the cuts the mar his pale wrist. I kiss the scars, and study them closely. Some of these are alarmingly deep, and some hardly scratch the surface. But the number of them astonishes me... Nearly every inch of flesh has been slashed at some point or another. Scars crisscrossing up and down left and right, some showing brightly, some faded away. I pull the sweatshirt down.

"I promise, Draco," I whisper, careful not to wake him, "we'll get through this." I adjust my positioning, and close my eyes, cuddled close to him, and fall asleep.

**** **** **** ****

Draco

"BOY! YOU AND YOUR FRIEND GET DOWN HERE NOW OR YOU'RE NOT HAVING LUNCH!"

I wake up in Harry's arms. I don't really remember falling asleep, but I wish we could do this more often. I smile, he's so hot when he's asleep. And when he's awake. When he's smiling, frowning. Hell, he's hot whenever. I shake him gently.

"Harry." I say quietly, "Harry, it's time for lunch." I'm actually hungry for once. Harry groans and stirs. Before he can open his eyes, I lean down, kissing him soundly.

"Mmmm..." He moans, responding. When I break off, he sits up, kissing me again.

"NOW!"

"Argh!" he growls. "COMING!" He shouts back. He kisses me again, this time pushing me back on the bed, my wrists pinned to my sides. I freeze. My mind flashes back a few years. I stop the memory and scold myself.

_He's not hurting you, Draco. _I argue. _Enjoy it. _

I kiss back for a few moments but after a few seconds it's overwhelming. I think of _Him. _His breath, so hot against my neck. His weight on body...

He holds me down.

Oh god...

I start shaking.

Harry realises I'm not responding and a second later he understands his mistake. He usually knows better than to dominate me. But he just woke up. He probably isn't thinking straight...

"Draco." He says quietly. "I'm sorry." I just lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling. He takes my hand and helps me sit up.

"It's okay." I whisper. He knows it freaks me out. He just doesn't know why. He thinks it's my father. He thinks its You Know Who. But he doesn't know about _Him. _And I'm not going to tell him. Suddenly, I need to feel him close to me. I wrap my arms around his neck, resting my chin on his shoulder and stare at the wall. Remembering.

"I love you." I whisper, needing him to know my fear has nothing to do with him.

"I love you too, baby." He responds.

"BOY!" Harry groans. I pull back.

"Come on." I say. "Let's go." We walk downstairs.

Harry

I have to be careful with Draco. I keep forgetting, and I just slipped up again and overpowered him. I don't know what scares him so much... But it won't matter if I can just remember not to do that...

We walk into the kitchen to see all three pigs at the table. I grimace. This won't be fun. As I'm searching through the fridge, I hear aunt Petunia.

"Goodness, child, what have done to your arm?" My stomach drops to my feet. Draco is reaching for a glass, and his sleeve has ridden down,

Giving aunt Petunia full view of his cuts...

**AN: Sorry for the wait guys, we're moving and I haven't had much time to write. Thanks for your patience. By the way, your reviewing status has become PITIFUL. I get Story Alert emails every day so I know there are a lot of you reading, yet hardly any reviews. PLEASE take to time to hit the button and write a decent review. It's what motivates me to write. The more reviews, the faster you get the next chapter. Love you, **

**xForeversEndx**


	6. Picking Up the Pieces

**Harry**

Draco goes pale and shakes down his sleeve.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about." And Petunia purses her lips together. And looks at me.

"Is that why you've been hiding the knives? Because we have a masochistic freak in the house?" I glare at her, and then glance at Draco. He's so sensitive… and now he has this to deal with…

"It's none of your business, Aunt Petunia." I say coldly. "Leave him alone." She looks affronted.

"It is very much my business." She says sharply. "I'm not having that in the house. It's bad enough to have two… abnormalities… but this, this is unacceptable. If he's staying here, he's going to talk to a therapist."

"I don't need a shrink!" Draco shouts. I rub the bridge of my nose. Everything's starting to fall apart.

"You're psychotic." She says sourly. "You need professional help."

Draco

Anger floods me, and bluntly, it's terrifying. I've never been like this. I'm filled with a fury that's begging me to do something stupid. Like hit her in the face.

"I'm not psychotic." I growl in a tone of voice I've never heard myself use. "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" I Shout. "I'M NOT A MASOCHIST, I'M NOT A FREAK! I JUST..." I cut off abruptly. Dudley sniggers.

"You're just what?"

A depressed, suicidal, helpless little boy who's trying to find his place in a world that doesn't want him.

"It's none of your business." I tell him coldly. I turn back to Harry's aunt.

"You wanna take me to a shrink, fine. But don't expect me to talk."

Harry

Without another word, and with a great surprise to us all, Draco storms out the front door. I glare at Aunt Petunia.

"Now you've done it." I snap. "Can't you just leave him be?"

"I'm not having it in the house." Her voice is cold as ice.

I follow Draco out the door.

I have to jog a bit down the sidewalk to catch up with him. He's got his arms crossed across his chest and he doesn't seem to notice me behind him. I put a hand on his shoulder. He jumps, startled, and turns around. There are angry tears running down his cheeks. I've never seen him so mad.

"I don't need a shrink." Draco says slowly. "I'm not psychotic." His voice is shaking. I look him intently in the eyes and grab his hand, squeezing it tightly. I've got to calm him down.

"No, you're not psychotic, baby." I reach forward, wiping wetness from his pale skin.

"She doesn't get it. Are you okay?" He stares for a moment, contemplating this.

"I don't know..."

Draco

It's impossible to say. I don't know what came over me...

I sounded like...

"Harry?" I ask slowly. "Am I turning into my father?" He looks at me, shocked.

"Of course not." He brushes a stand of hair from my eyes and, still holding my hand, starts walking. I walk with him. "Where is this coming from?"

"I-I yelled like that... I got... so angry. Harry, I sounded like him." Just saying that is enough to bring images back to my mind, replaying and rewinding over and over in a sick, depressing mantra. I clench my eyes shut, trying desperately to close them out. Harry seems to notice my distress and grips my hand tighter in an attempt to comfort me.

"You could never, ever, be your father Draco. You love me don't you?" He asks. My eyes snap open, stunned that he'd even ask.

"Yes." I say simply. "God, Harry, you should know that by now. You're the only reason I'm still alive." He nods as though he expected the answer. Where is this going?

"Which is more than anyone can say for Lucius fucking Malfoy. Do you think he's capable of loving?" I shake my head. "You actually show your emotions. Your father has nothing but hatred." I snort.

"If you count showing your emotions as crying all the time." He shakes his head with a little smirk on his face.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I thinks it's cute?" I feel myself flush.

"You hate him for what he did to you. So how could end up like him?" Despite the warm breeze and the zip-up, I shiver.

"It happens all the time."

"Draco, I know you. You have too much good in you to ever become like him. I promise, it's going to be okay. You had every right to get angry."

Harry

We come to the small pond near my house and I sit Draco down in the grass. I sit down next to him and in an instant he's cuddled up against me.

"I don't want to talk to a shrink." He whispers.

"Why not?" I challenge. "What's the worst that could happen?" He closes his eyes, letting the sunlight reflect of his golden blonde hair.

"Because," He says, "you're the only one I'll talk to."

"I'm not a professional." I say softly.

"I don't care." His response it quiet. "You've kept me alive this far." At this, I nearly crumble. Draco's life is in my hands, and I love him so much it's terrifying to know this. If I mess up...

No more Draco.

I hug him close to me, needing to assure myself that he's still here.

"Besides," He continues. "It's not like a shrink really cares. Like madam Pomfrey. She didn't give a fuck if I was cutting. It's just her job to care. Why the hell should I trust a shrink when they're just getting paid to listen to me whine? I have you for that." He's quiet for a moment. "And you actually love me."

"But what bad would come out of talking?" Draco opens his eyes and looks at me.

"There's no point, Harry. A shrink won't understand. They haven't been there for it.

They'll just nod, and pretend they get what I'm going through and they don't. I got on fine before..." I can think of a million arguments to disprove his last statement, but I really don't want to get into it.

"Alright. I'm certainly not going to make you talk."

_Besides, _I think to myself, _It'll piss off Aunt Petunia if he refuses to say anything. _

Draco sniffs, wipes at his eyes and then lays down, resting his head in my lap. I run my fingers through his hair and stare into his soft, grey eyes. There's still too much sadness there. I want to make it go away.

I lean down and kiss him gently, lovingly.

"Don't ever leave me, Draco." I whisper. "I don't know what I'd do with myself if you were gone." He stares for a moment, gravely, and answers so quietly I almost don't catch it.

"I know what I'd do if you were gone..." I take a deep breath, close my eyes, angry at myself for the lump in my throat.

"Stop it, Draco." I plead. Sometimes it gets to be too much, hearing the one I love constantly talk about suicide. Constantly wishing they were dead. It's horrible to think about. "I'm not ever going to leave so you don't even need to think about it." My voice is a little choked.

"I'm not ever going to leave either." He says in a mildly argumentative tone. "But you still brought it up." I close my eyes and don't answer. Inside my head I see memories, images.

Draco, bleeding on the bathroom floor. Draco, on the ledge of the tower. Draco, with a knife to his throat. Not to mention the very fresh cuts on his arms.

The problem is, I have absolutely no consolation that I'm not going to loose him. I'm scared. So instead of responding and potentially starting an argument, I kiss him.

Depression or no, cuts or no, suicidal thoughts or none, I still love him. And I will do whatever I can to pick up the pieces.

**AN: Next up: how does Draco deal with a shrink? (I personally hate shrinks for the very reason Draco mentioned). Anyway, I apologise deeply for the wait. We just moved and I haven't had internet for a few days. Thank you so much for all the reviews, and keep it up. The more I get, the happier I am, and the more likely I'll write sooner. My story would be nothing without my readers so thank you so much for following me so far. You'll be finding much more out about **_**Him **_**shortly. I promise. Lovingly, **

**xForeversEndx**


	7. Therapy

Draco

"You're wasting your time." I say, annoyed. "And money." I add with an afterthought.

We're in the Back of Harry's Uncle's car, on the way to a therapist's office, and for some reason, Petunia is still under the impression that I'll actually speak to a shrink.

"I won't talk." Vernon turns around, his face purple.

"Shut up, boy." He snaps, glaring at me with a look that reminds me so much of father I rear back and close my mouth. Harry seems to sense this, but rather than attempt to comfort me, he retorts back to his uncle

"You can't make him talk if he doesn't want to." He snaps. "He's right, you're probably wasting your time and if you're too stupid to listen to him when he tells you that then your loss."

Vernon growls under his breath but doesn't say anything else.

Harry

Draco looks at me like I'm insane. I look at him and sigh. I know exactly how he feels about shrinks and I understand why he feels it. If it were me, I wouldn't talk either. And yet I find myself wishing that Draco_ would _talk.

Because, even though I do love putting him back together, and though I do like being the one he goes to for help, I'm starting to get scared. Because right when I though he was getting better, he slipped up and cut again. I expected it to happen but…

What if I mess up?

What if I do something wrong and I lose him?

We pull into a car park and Uncle Vernon comes to a stop right in front of a dull, grey building. Draco and I slide out, and I a smirk at the pouty expression on his face. He has his arms folded across his chest, walking with a bit of force to his step. He reminds me very much of a temperamental child.

Draco

A bell dings as Petunia opens to door to the building and I reluctantly follow Harry into the neat, air conditioned office. It's bright, with tasteful paintings on the white walls. There are chairs lined against the window and an elderly muggle lady sitting behind a desk in the corner. There's a pair of double doors off to the right.

Petunia goes up to the desk.

"We have an appointment for two." she demands, glancing over at me with hatred on her face. The muggle behind the counter types something in the object which I recognise as a computer. Harry explained to me what a computer was my first week here. She looks up.

"Draco?" She asks. I look at her coldly.

"Yes?" I respond shortly.

"Dr. Grailey will be with you in a moment."

"Whatever." I turn to Harry's aunt.

"You're wasting your fucking time. I don't need to see a sodding shrink so leave me alone." I notice Harry rub the bridge of his nose like he has a headache. "I'm not psychotic and not any of your business why I cut myself nor is it any god damn therapist's business either." Still, Harry remains silent. Why won't he back me up on this?

The double doors open.

Harry

The therapist walks out, and suddenly, Draco goes white. Any trace of colour is gone from his skin, and he starts shaking. Trembling. He looks terrified.

Draco

The shrink walks out and I feel the blood drain from my face. My hands start shaking and my stomach closes in on itself, ready to make me throw up if I let it.

No.

No. It can't be _him._

Wait a moment, it really can't.

_He _had blue eyes, and this man's are brown. _He _was taller, with fuller lips and lighter skin. But still, the dark facial hair, the balding head, the slightly wrinkled eyes. They're similar.

So many memories rush to my mind that I feel faint. This man, whoever he is, looks like _Him_, reminds of _him. _And though I know they can't be the same person, this man terrifies me.

"Hello, Draco. I'm doctor Grailey. You can call me Dave." I shake my head and step back a few feet. "Let's go into my office alright?" I swallow hard, willing myself not to throw up. I shouldn't be so scared of him. I know I shouldn't. I reach back for Harry.

"

Harry…" I say weakly.

"I was thinking just you and I could talk. Is that alright with you Draco?" I wish he'd stop saying my name. I can hear _his _voice, whispering against my ear.

_Such a handsome, boy, Draco. No, no, don't scream. You wouldn't want that. Just do as I say and you'll leave this room alive. Don't cry, child. You're so beautiful. And beautiful children deserved to be touched…_

"I'm not going in there without Harry." My voice trembles so hard out of fear that it's difficult to get the words out. Harry is looking at me with an extremely worried expression on his face.

"Are you okay, Draco?" He asks cautiously, and I wish he'd wrap his arms around me. Make me feel safe. I shake my head.

"No. I'm not going without you." Harry's uncle growls.

"You'll do as we say, boy. Go." I shake my head and bite my lip, prepared to start crying if I need to.

"Not without Harry." I insist stubbornly. I'm not going in there alone. My knees want to collapse. I can almost feel _his _breath on my neck. _HIs _dirty hands again my naked skin. _His _crooning, condescending words reaching my ears. Demanding me, forcing me.

I start to cry.

"Not without Harry." I repeat. "Not without Harry." The entire room looks bewildered. Harry steps forward, putting his hands on my shoulders.

"Alright." He says softly. "Alright, I'm right here." He looks up at the shrink that so resembles _him._

"I'm going to be joining the two you if you don't mind." His statement is polite, but leaves no room for discussion.

Harry

Dr. Grailey agrees to let me join and I usher a crying and shaking Draco into a dimly lit office. I sit him down on a dark brown couch and sit down beside him. I wrap my arms around his trembling shoulders.

"Shh… for gods sake Draco, what's gotten into you?" I wipes tears from his cheeks as he starts to stop crying. He's still trembling. He's terrified and for the life of me I can't figure out why. Draco seems to be trying to get as close to my as possible, and I let him, knowing that due to doctor-patient privileges he legally can't inform Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia of our relationship.

"Are you alright, Draco?" He asks him. I pull back a bit, sure to keep one arm tightly around his shoulder. Draco just looks at the man, saying nothing. I'm not sure he knows how to answer. "How old are you?"

Dr. Grailey's voice is warm and patient. He seems to sense Draco's fear and he's trying to ease it a bit.

"Sixteen." Draco mumbles, wiping a hand across his eyes.

"And are you and, Harry, was it?" he looks at me questioningly. I nod. "Are you and Harry a couple?" He seems conversational, but I get the sense that he feels Draco being gay has something to do with his condition. I feel a sense of aggravation, reminding me that I can't stand shrinks. They jump to conclusions. Draco says nothing, so I answer the man's question.

"Yes we are." I say politely. "Neither my aunt and uncle know though, so I expect you to keep your mouth shut." Draco looks even more apprehensive now.

"I'm not going to judge you, Draco." Dave says. "I was just curious. Why don't we talk about why you're here?"

Draco

I shake my head. It's none of his business. I move myself, if possible, even closer to Harry, and as far back from Dave as I can get. I'm still shaking.

_Such a pretty face. Take of your shirt, child, let me see your beautiful skin. …. Shh. Don't cry child. You don't want your father to think you've been a bad boy do you?…. No I thought not. Now shut up and stop crying. Take off your pants. That's right. Yes, you be a good boy for me and you won't be hurt…._

"Show him, Draco." Harry says gently. "It's okay." I shake my head again.

"It's my business." I tell the shrink with a shaking voice. "Only Harry knows."

"Draco," Harry says patiently. "He's not going to tell anyone. He can't. I promise you, it's okay." I take shaking hand and pull up one sleeve of my sweater, exposing the slashes on my arms. I hold it out to the shrink like an offering. He examines them with a passive expression and scribbles something down on a clip bored. If I wasn't still so afraid I'd probably yell. How dare he try to analyze me. He doesn't even know me.

"And how long have you been cutting yourself?" He asks objectively. He doesn't even care…

_You aren't worth the air you breathe, Draco. You deserve this. Take them off. Let me see you. …. I am growing impatient child. …. NOW!_

_He shoves me down, pinning me to the bed, one hand across my mouth to stifle my yells. I taste his horrid skin against my lips. He forces… _

"Draco?" Harry asks shaking me a little, bringing me out of my disgusting reverie.

Harry

What's gotten into him? I examine Draco closely, trying to understand what he's so afraid of.

"I'm gonna throw up…"

As Draco rushes out of the room, I turn worriedly to the therapist.

"I don't know why he's acting like this…" I say. "I'm sorry." I apologise on behalf of Draco.

"That's alright, son." He says empathetically.

"Listen," I say, "He's very stubborn. I doubt you're going to get him to say anything." Suddenly my feelings toward the man change. Now he's an annoyance. An intrusion. "He only talks to me."

"With some work, I'm sure he'll open up." I don't understand why he's being so confidant, but I don't care. I get up to go find Draco in the bathroom. Make sure he's okay.

He's washing his mouth out in the sink. He looks up and sees me in the mirror, and I wrap my arms around him. He puts his face in my shoulder and starts to cry, his whole body still shaking. His skin is less than pale, it's a clammy grey, and he's sweating.

"Shh… baby, what's wrong."

"I can't d-do this, Harry. H-he reminds me…" He cuts himself off and tries to stop the tears running down his face.

"He reminds you of what, Draco?" I ask. I know it can't be his father.

"N-nothing." He says, taking a deep breath. He takes my hand. "Let's go."

I follow Draco back into the office, my mind reeling with possible scenarios. For the next our, Dr. Grailey attempts to get information out of Draco, who's still shaking. I don't listen to much of the conversation. My mind is busy.

Reminds him of what?

**REVIEW please. I love you all, I'll update soon. **


	8. A Memory of the Most Disgusting Kind

Draco

"_Draco, we're leaving." I wince at the words. The first time they left, I was hopeful. Maybe they were leaving for good. Or even temporarily, an hour away from father was a breath of fresh air. _

_But I know better now. When mother and father leave, one of father's friends will stay to watch me. They don't trust me by myself. I've since learned that father's friends aren't friendly. They're Death Eaters. All of them. And they have no hesitation filling in father's place, hitting me when I've done something wrong, or telling me how worthless I am. But I already know how worthless I am. There's no reason to tell me. _

_I tried to tell father that I don't need a babysitter anymore. I'm twelve years old. I can take care of myself. He hit me so hard I fell to the floor and told me that no one wants to hear my disgusting voice. That was three days ago. _

_I haven't spoken since. _

_The doorbell rings and I retreat to my room. Whatever Death Eater is here this time, I know that it's best to stay as far away as possible. I sit on my bed and stare at the ceiling, desperately wishing for winter holiday's to be over. Not that I have much solace at school. I have no friends. But at least there I don't have to worry about anyone hitting me. I don't have to worry about being told how I deserve to die. I know I do…_

_No one needs to tell me. _

_I focus on the small imperfections on my bedroom ceiling, wondering what it would be like to be anyone else. Someone who has someone who loves them. Someone who has someone who cares. Someone who's not a freak. What's wrong with me? Why do I like other boys? _

_I take note of the snow outside the window. It's Christmas. Why wouldn't father let me stay at school? I so desperately wish that I could be like other kids. Spend the holidays with people who love me… It's Christmas eve. _

_And I'm all alone. _

_Tears start slipping down my face and I bury my face in my pillow. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of having no one who cares. And I'm so pathetic for crying about it…_

_There's a knock on my door. The only person it could be is my so-called baby sitter. I sit up, wipe the tears from my cheeks and walk over to my door, opening it cautiously. The man in the doorway is tall. His hair is long and dark, but balding at the top. His eyes are blue, set in a twisted face. I think I've seen him before. I think his name is Dolohov. _

_He pushes into my room. _

"_Hello, Draco." I back away, very much afraid of this man. _

"_You don't want me to tell your father you've been a bad boy do you?" He asks? I shake my head, annoyed that he's speaking to me like I'm five. I back into my bed and he advances on me. I'm trapped. The stranger strokes my cheek. I bite my tongue, trying not to scream. _

"_Good." His other hand slides down to my pants, further, further. He's touching me. Tears spring to my eyes. No. _

_Oh God. No. _

"_What are you doing?" I ask in a terrified, shaking voice, trying not to burst into tears. _

"_Such a handsome, boy, Draco." I open my mouth to yell out and he puts his hand firmly on my mouth. The horrid taste of his skin seeps into my mouth. I can't breathe._

" _No, no, don't scream." He says. "You wouldn't want that. Just do as I say and you'll leave this room alive." He's going to kill me… I hope he kills me. He removes his hand from my mouth and starts stoking my cheek again. _

"_Stop." I beg. I start crying and try to push him away. "Please stop." The hand that had been stroking my cheek grabs my arm, hard. _

"_Don't cry, child. You're so beautiful. And beautiful children deserved to be touched." I'm crying hysterically now, trying with all my strength to shove him off. His hand moves down my pants, stroking me, and his other hand holds so tight to my arm I feel it start to bruise. He takes his hands out of my underwear and for a moment I think he's done. He lets go of me, but stays close enough for me to feel his breath on my face. _

"_Such a pretty face. Take of your shirt, child, let me see your beautiful skin." I sob and shake my head. _

"_Shh. Don't cry child. You don't want your father to think you've been a bad boy do you?" I choke on my tears and shake my head again, squeezing my eyes shut._

"_No." I croak out. With trembling hands, I remove my shirt, my mind screaming for death. _

"_No I thought not. Now shut up and stop crying." I close my mouth and don't breathe, trying desperately to stop. But I can't. "Now take off your pants," he snaps. I look at him with horror written on my face. _

"_Please!" I beg. "Please don't make me do this." He slaps me across the face, and my trembling pale fingers move to my buttons. _

"_That's right. Yes, you be a good boy for me and you won't be hurt." My pants slide to my ankles. _

"_Now your underwear, child, quickly." I shake my head, trying to get away from him. _

"_No." I say, "No I won't." He growls. _

"_You aren't worth the air you breathe, Draco. You deserve this." I say nothing. He's right. "_

"_Take them off. Let me see you"_

"_Please." I try again. "Please, NO!" _

"_I am growing impatient child." I just stand there, sobbing, wishing with every fibre of my being that he'd just kill me. "NOW." He hits me across the face again and I have no choice but to drop my underwear to the floor, crying harder than I have in my entire life. _

_He shoves me down, pinning me to the bed, one hand across my mouth to stifle my yells. I taste his horrid skin against my lips. He forces into me. _

_I black out. _

_When I wake, he's gone. I feel sticky and horribly, horrible violated. I'm still naked on my sheets, and I'm sore. I won't be able to walk properly for days. Bile rises in my throat and I lean over, throwing up over the side of my bed. I wretch and gag as the entire contents of my stomach forces itself out. _

_Trembling fingers pull my robes on over my naked skin. I start to cry again. For the first time, I have no will left to live. _

_I want to die. _

_For the first time, I seriously begin to consider the thought of suicide. _

_I listen hard, for sounds of Dolohov. I hear father's voice in the next room. Which means his friend has gone home. I tiptoe out into the kitchen of the manor. It hurts to walk. _

_I start to rifle through the kitchen cabinets. I'm not sure what I'm looking for. Maybe something to stop the pain. To make the violated feeling go away. Something catches my eye. _

_**Sleeping Draught. **_

_I take it down. _

_**WARNING: Overdose of this potion could prove fatal. Do not exceed recommended voice. **_

_Suddenly it comes to me. Finally, I can go to sleep, and never wake up. Careful to stay quiet, knowing the hell I'll receive if caught, I carry the bottle to my room. _

_Closing to door behind me, I sit on my bed, breathing heavily and crying desperately, I put the bottle to my lips. _

_And down the whole thing._

…

_.._

_._

_I wake up in Saint Mungos three days later with a furious father and mother at my bedside. _

_And go home to receive the worst beating I've ever gotten in my entire life._

…

_.._

_._

_Dolohov continued to babysit until I turned fourteen. _

**Okay, so consider this chapter a journey into Draco's memory. I hope you're all disgusted by this. You have no idea how hard it was for me to write. Please Review. PLEASE.**


	9. Confessions

Draco**********

_He's showing himself to me. Rubbing against me. Again. _

_And still, I cry. I cry and scream and resist but there's nothing I can do…_

With a gasp of breath I jump awake, crying desperately. I wrap my knees to my chest.

"It's just a dream. It's just a dream." I whisper to myself in repeating mantra. But it doesn't matter. I can't stop crying and I feel like I'm going to throw up. It's dark. Empty. I need to go find Harry but I'm afraid to get off my bed. The dark terrifies me right now…

I force myself to my feet. I'm shaking so hard I have to rest my hand on the bed for balance. I'm crying so hard I can't see.

Harry*********

I'm awoken suddenly by someone shaking me, and for a moment I panic. When I come to my senses enough to realise that it's only Draco, I pull him into my arms, rocking him back and forth, shushing him. He's trembling harder than he did in the therapists office today. I'm rather alarmed by this…

"Shh… Draco, it's okay. You're okay. I'm right here. It's alright." I've never seen him this bent out of shape for a nightmare.

"I-It's not al-r-right!" He sobs. I hold his small, trembling body tighter. Did the visit the therapist cause this?

"Yes it is, Draco." I say calmly. "It was just a dream." He shakes his head into my shoulder, seeing something I can't. Hiding from a memory that only he knows. All I can do is hold him, and allow him to cry out whatever nightmare is causing him so much pain.

Draco. ********

I lay down, my face hidden in Harry's chest, trying with such desperation to make the images go away that my head actually hurts. I stay as close to him as possible, reminding myself that Harry's here. His arms are wrapped securely around me. I'm going to be okay.

Eventually, I calm down enough to speak clearly.

"Please don't make me sleep alone tonight." I whisper weakly. "Harry, I'm so scared, please." Harry keeps his hold on me tight.

"You stay right here Draco." He says soothingly, in my ear. "I'm right here. You're not going to be alone tonight."

"Thank you," I whisper, ready to start crying again. I don't know what else to do. Maybe if I hold Harry tight enough, long enough, the memories will go away. I feel him kiss me on the forehead and the images come rushing back again.

Oh god. Please. Make it stop.

Harry********

I don't know why Draco's acting like this. All I know is that if Aunt Petunia tries to make Draco go back to that psychologist, I will hex her personally. As I hold a still shaking Draco in my arms, I lie in the dark, pondering what he said at the office earlier today.

Reminds him of what?

Although I know asking him will probably make whatever it is worse, I know I have to. Tomorrow afternoon, we'll go out to pond near my house, and talk. Just like we did beneath the tree at Hogwarts last year. Draco sniffles and oddly, I feel tears well in my eyes.

My poor baby…

I wish there was some way for me to make this all better…

Gradually, Draco's breathing becomes more and more even, until he's stopped crying completely. I listen quietly to the sounds of him falling asleep.

"Harry?" I here him mumble.

"Yes, Draco?"

"I love you." He says sleepily. I smile.

"I love you too, baby."

"Don't ever let go."

"I won't." I whisper. "I won't."

Draco*********

I wake up in Harry's arms, instantly feeling a little better. He stayed with me.

Harry's already awake, watching me carefully. I reach up and pull his chin down, bringing his lips to my own.

"I'm proud of you." He says when we break apart. I look at him, confused.

"Proud of me?" I sit up. He nods and he takes my hand, guiding up the sleeve of my shirt.

"You came to me before cutting yourself." He explains, taking note of that fact that there are no new cuts.

"I was scared…" I say. "Not upset, just terrified." I feel uncomfortable with him giving me credit where I don't deserve it. "I needed you." but thinking about it, I realise his point. My first instinct was to go to Harry, not cut. A few weeks ago that wouldn't have been the case. Harry looks at me, a pondering expression on his face.

"Draco…" he starts, looking very concerned. "That dream… did that have anything to do with the therapist yesterday?"

I feel myself go pale, and the memories come rushing back once again.

"Harry… I…I." I need to tell him. But I can't. "It's nothing." I say shortly. "Don't worry about it." I'm not ready to talk about it. Even with him.

He gets out of bed and pull me to my feet. Kisses my lips gently.

"Come on." He says.

"Where are we going?" I'm still tired.

"We're going to go for a walk." he states. "Before my family wakes up."

Harry ******

We've been walking for about ten minutes now, and Draco hasn't said a word. Tear trails track his beautifully pale skin. It's so easy to tell when he's been crying. It's sad. The look on Draco's face and silence prove as clues, telling me that there's something desperately wrong. Something that he's keeping from me.

We come to the pond and I sit down at the water's edge, patiently waiting for him to do the same. When he does, I adopt a serious expression.

"Draco, we need talk." I see the fear and apprehension fill his eyes.

"Talk about what?" He asks shakily. "My cuts?" Slowly, I shake my head.

"Why did that man scare you so much? What was that nightmare about?" He just stares, not at me, but through me. He pales and I'm worried that he's going to be sick. "Draco." I say softly. "What happened." Silent tears start to run down his face. I was worried this would happen, but I expected it.

"It doesn't matter." He whispers.

"Yes it does, Draco. Please. You're hurting. Talk to me." He looks at me pleadingly.

"I can't talk about. I can't." I take his soft hand in my own.

"Yes you can, Draco. You need to." I watch as he takes a deep breath, and then rests his head on my shoulder, crying quietly for a moment.

"The first time I tried to kill myself…" He starts. And I feel my heart drop to my feet. "I was twelve." I bring his chin up to look at me.

"Draco, why…?" I'm not sure if I want to know the answer. He chokes on a sob and starts to cry harder, I wrap my arms tightly around him.

"I'm not a virgin, Harry." He whispers.

Oh fuck.

Draco.


	10. A Talk of Reassurance

**Harry**

Oh my god. My poor baby…

Fuck.

"Merlin. Draco, what happened?" Draco just cries. "Draco, look at me." He looks up into my eyes. I have to ask. "Is it him? The therapist?" So help me if it is I'm going to kill the fucker. He shakes his head.

"No." He says in a thick voice. "No it was some… death eater that used to watch me. D-dolohov, I th-think." I hold onto him tightly. He needs to talk about this. I don't want to hear it. But he needs to say it.

**Draco**

I just relax into Harry's arms, staring out at the lake, crying. He's going to make me tell him. I've never told anyone. But as I sit here and cry like a child, I realise that I have no reason not to tell other than the fact that just thinking about it is painful enough to bring me to tears. Then again, everything does. I watch the water lap up on the edge of the grass, thinking.

Harry's been my first everything.

The first one to know I'm gay.

My first kiss. With a boy anyway.

My first true relationship.

The first person that's ever given a damn about me.

The first person that's ever said they love me.

The first person to know I cut myself.

The first person to see me cry since I started Hogwarts.

The first person who's ever, ever comforted me.

The first one to understand my pain.

The first one to know about father.

So why shouldn't he be the first person to know about Dolohov?

Simple. I'm terrified. And as I realise how afraid I am, I start shaking. Trembling. Harry notices this and attempts to hold me closer. I hide my face in his shoulder for a moment, telling myself to get it together. It ended three years ago. It's over. I need to calm down.

"Draco," Harry says, breaking what had previously been silence aside from the water lapping at the edges and the sounds of my crying. "Draco, you know you need to talk about this." I sniff. I nod into his shirt, and breathe in his scent. He smells wonderful.

I pull back and look into his eyes.

"I don't know if I can." I whisper.

**Harry**

I take a deep breath and lightly wipe the tears from his beautiful, pale skin. When it comes to suicide, and cutting, I know how to help. Because I've been there before. But… R-R…

Fuck it.

I won't even think the word. When it comes to this, I have no idea what to do. What to say. How to help.

"Draco, baby, you need to. You'll feel better to have it out there. Please." I try. "What happened to you?" He chokes on a small sob.

"I was only twelve, Harry!" He chokes "A second year!" I breathe deeply again, feeling sick. I bring him closer, so he's nearly sitting on my lap, and run my fingers through his hair. I feel his body shaking, both from tears and the memory itself. I stare into his pale grey eyes and see the fear living there.

"It's okay baby." I whisper as he cries. "It's okay."

Draco takes a moment to calm down. After a few minutes silence he moves so that he's sitting cross-legged in front of me, and so that his knees are touching mine. He looks, calmly but timidly into my eyes, tears streaming down his face, and takes a deep breath.

"When I was younger…" He starts quietly. "And father would leave…" He sniffs and wipes at his cheeks, though the tears keep falling. "He'd leave one of his friends home with me. To watch me." I grab both his hands. "They were usually Death Eaters." He sniffs again.

"Take your time, Draco." I say softly. He takes breaths deep and looks into my eyes for reassurance.

"During the winter holidays… second year." He says slowly. And I see the pain seep across his face. "D-Dolahov… came." He breaks off and for a moment I don't think he's going to be able to continue. "He… s-started… t-touching… me." he croaks out. He starts crying harder. "I couldn't shove him off!" I pull him to my chest.

"I tried and tried." he mumbles. "I sc-screamed I cried I kicked and he… he w-wouldn't s-stop." I let him cry and when he's coherent enough to speak again he pulls back. I kiss his lips softly in the hopes to calm him down. He sniffs.

"He kept coming back, Harry." He says quietly. "Until I was fourteen. He kept coming back."

**Draco**

I move over so I'm no longer sitting in front of Harry but beside him, and cuddle up as close to him as I can get, surprisingly exhausted from telling him. I'm still crying.

"He did everything to me." I whisper. Harry keeps an arm wrapped tightly around me.

"It's okay, baby." He whispers back, and I notice his voice is choked. "It's okay now. It's over." I sniff, wishing desperately that I could stop these tears.

"How do you know?" I ask, desperate for the answer. "You can't know that."

"I won't let him hurt you, Draco." There's pure passion in his voice. "I promise." I just cuddle closer and he cuddles back. After a moment of nearly contented silence Harry speaks again.

"That's why you get so freaked out if I dominate you isn't it." I nod, blinking back fresh tears.

"I-it reminds me… of… him." I say slowly. "I'm so scared Harry." I whisper. "Father… and… him. Snape. Why do they all hate me? What's wrong with me?" I notice silent tears slip down Harry's face now.

"There's nothing wrong with you." He says firmly, looking me straight in the eyes. "It's them. It's all them and they don't deserve to live." I wipe at my cheeks and shake my head.

"No." I don't believe him. "H-he told me I d-deserve I-it. S-said it was m-my fault. I must have done something wrong." Harry keeps his arms wrapped around me, leans close, and whispers in my ear.

"Don't ever think that, Draco. Don't ever, ever say that. It's not true. It was never true."

I don't say anything, but simply lay back in his arms, waiting to stop crying. Waiting to stop shaking. I feel so safe in his arms.

"Don't you feel better having said it?" He asks me softly. I nod. Surprisingly, I do. It's not a secret anymore…

**Harry**

We stay like that, staring out at the lake for a while, until I look down at my watch and realise that it's almost noon. Draco is still curled up against me, lost in some sort of reverie, looking nearly content with himself. I smile to myself. Saving him was the best decision I ever made.

"Draco," I say softly. He looks at me, a slightly startled expression on his face. "Draco, the Dursley's will be up by now." I look around me and almost laugh at the expression on a muggle man's face. I've grown used to the strange looks we receive from wizards and muggles alike. It doesn't bother me anymore. I smile at the man and lean over to kiss Draco, just to see what he'd do. He glares.

Screw him and all his homophobic friends. The world is a happier place without them.

"I don't want to go back to the house." Draco whines, though he's positively grinning in reaction to my kiss.

"I know." I say with a sigh. "I don't want to go back either." I kiss him again. I love seeing him smile like that. "But we have to."

"Fine." He attempts to pout, but again, can't manage to do so through the smile on his face. I stand up and grab his hand to help him to his feet.

I don't let go of his hand and we start walking back to the house. I'll never really know how much the talk helped him, but looking at him, he seems as though he's had a bit of weight lifted from his shoulders. Glancing at his arms though, I wince. I've learned the hard way not to assume that he's okay. He's fragile. Delicate. Sensitive. He's my baby and I love him.

**Draco**

Harry won't ever know how much it means to me that he'd kiss me like that in front of so many people. Like he didn't care what they'd think. He loves me enough that it doesn't matter to him who disapproves… I don't know what I'd do without him.

Well, actually, I do.

I wouldn't be alive. We arrive back to Harry's house and I drop his hand as we approach the front door. We walk into the kitchen to have Harry's entire family completely ignore us. I'm okay with that. I also notice that Dudley has that arsehole Piers over.

I stop to get a glass of water, grateful that I threw a sweater on over my cuts this morning. Piers starts banging the drawers around, looking for something.

"Dammit Dudley, where are your effing knives?" I wince, and refuse to make eye contact with him. Dudley gets up from the table and waddles over to the fridge. From the top of the fridge he pulls a single kitchen knife. I stand on my toes trying to see if the rest of the knives are up there. They're not.

Harry gives me a look, seeming to realise what I was trying to do.

Dudley hands the knife to Piers.

"Why the fuck is that up there?" Dudley smirks and I wrap my arms around myself, knowing what's coming.

"Emo boy over there." Dudley sniggers, gesturing to me. I walk out of the room. I don't want to hear this. Harry follows closely.

"You okay?" I take a deep breath.

"Yeah. Yeah I'm fine. It doesn't matter what they think."

**Harry**

I smile, surprised at how much Draco's reaction relieves me. He's not letter Pier's comments get to him. And though I won't let myself get my hopes up, I know that maybe,

He's one step closer to getting better.

**Special shout out to rohda, angst kitten, xxSarahUnlovedxx, Draco and Hermione is like PBJ, Bellakins08, PrincessAyla1994, Dramione1996, Holly Alice, DarkestAngel13, butterfly1415, The Dagdah's Priestess, PeruvianDarkness, .star and the rest of you who have reviewed nearly every chapter so far. You guys rock. If I missed your name and you have been reviewing every chapter, I apologise, I haven't forgotten you, you're what keeps this story going. When I can recognise the style of who's reviewing, BEFORE I look at the screen name, I know I've got some pretty devoted reviewers. Keep reviewing please. ****J I love you all. 3 **


	11. An Attempt at Seduction

**Harry**

"_DRACO!" _

_I'm standing outside his window in the pouring rain, looking in on a scene of horror before me. I watch as Dolohov laughs silently while Draco cries. I'm gonna kill him…_

"_DRACO!" He doesn't hear me. They don't see me. I frantically look around for another entrance. I've got to save him. But at the same time, I know I've failed. I pull out my wand and point it at the bedroom window. _

"_REDUCTO!" I shout, but my wand flops over like rubber and turns into a snake. _

"_You can't ssssave him" the snake hisses. "He will die tonight." I yell at the sky. It can't be true. There has to be some way to get to him. _

I jump awake with a start, drenched in cold sweat, breathing heavy, and surprisingly, with tears wet on my cheeks. I turn on my light and hold my hands out in front of me after wiping the moisture from my face. I'm shaking.

Draco.

I need to see him. I tiptoe down the dark hallway, surprised to find that even my legs are shaking. I see Draco's door slightly open. He's taken to doing that lately, probably from his fear of being alone. Don't mind this. I can keep a better watch on him. I know to be suspicious when his door is closed.

I approach Draco's room and enter quietly to the sound of him sleeping. His face looks troubled. I wonder what he's dreaming about. I creep up to his bed and crawl in behind him. There's a chance of waking him up and scaring the shite out of him, but it's a risk I'm willing to take. I curl up under the covers and wrap my arms around him, snuggling against him.

I close my eyes. I don't know why, but I feel guilty for the fact that Draco was raped so many times. But I couldn't have known… we hated each other then. Shuddering, the images from my nightmare still fresh in my mind, I take in his scent. He's alive. He's okay, for the most part. He's right here.

**Draco**

I wake up, sun in my face, to find Harry in the bed with me. He must have come in in the middle of the night. He's never done that before. I have no objection to this, of course, but I have to wonder why. I smile to myself and lean over to kiss him on the forehead. He opens his eyes.

"Good morning." I say with amusement as he rubs his eyes, clearly trying to remember where he is.

"Morning." He mumbles. I wonder at the good mood I'm in, simply for waking up in his arms.

"So, uh, when did you come in?" Maybe he came in early this morning and I just didn't notice. He sits up and yawns and I notice that his hair is even more disheveled than ever. I smirk at this.

"Like one or two." He says sleepily. Okay… so he did come in in the middle of the night.

"Why's that?" I ask, trying to sound nonchalant. Harry seems to think about how to answer.

"I don't know…" He says shiftily. "I just woke up and needed to see you." I'm not sure I believe him but I'm also not sure I care. As long as I got to wake up with him cuddled next to me.

"Oh." I say. "Well I like it." He smiles weakly and stares at me for a moment with an odd expression on his face.

**Harry**

It's absolutely astonishing how relieved I am to see him sitting here next to me, a smile on his face. Talking, breathing, completely untroubled and tear-free. I reach out and stroke his cheek, just watching him, pondering. I can still see that dream so much in my mind. So to see him like this, okay… it's just… amazing. I kiss him gently and wrap my arms around him, needing to be sure that he's real.

"Er… you okay?" He asks gratefully holding me back. The question is, is _he _okay.

"Yeah." I say quietly. "I'm fine. I just had a bad dream is all. Just so glad to see alright…" I feel his body tense at this. This is why I wasn't going to tell him… I probably just scared him, or gave him memories or something. He pulls back and looks at me with a rather forced smile.

"Well I'm right here. I'm… well… I'm not okay exactly… but I'm alive. That's what matters right?" His words seem painful and I smile through sudden, unwelcome tears that dance in my eyes, but refuse to fall.

"Yeah. Yeah that's all that matters." I pull him back into my arms. He's going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay. He's here now, I have him, and that's all that's important. I wipe at my eyes impatiently before I pull back. Draco's still looking at me, and it's kind of weird that _I'm _the one receiving the worried expression for once.

"Don't worry about me." I say, trying to reassure him. It's not just worry in his eyes, but pain. I did bring something back when I said that.

"Come on." I say, trying to change the subject. Let's go downstairs. I think I smell food.

"I'm not hungry…" He whispers. I look at him sternly, the role of the protective one switching back to me.

"Draco, please." I say worriedly. "You can't just not eat every time you're upset by something. It's not healthy." He looks away.

"Yeah," He mumbles. "well neither is cutting myself." I turn his eyes to stare into mine.

"And you're not going to be doing that either." he sighs.

"Fine."

**Draco**

Glancing at the clock on the way downstairs I notice that it's actually almost noon. And to my dismay, I realise that Dudley already has Piers over, and his aunt and uncle are already gone someplace.

"Where are Vernon and Petunia?" Harry asks upon seeing this. Dudley shrugs.

"Shopping?" Harry groans. "Getting party stuff."

"What for?" I watch as he glares at his cousin and manages to look alluring at the same time. I with those two weren't here. I want my mouth attached to his right now.

"A party, dumbass." Piers bites. I want to smack him upside the head.

"Leave him alone." I glare. "He wasn't talking to you." He turns to me, and I immediately wish I hadn't said anything. Harry can handle himself.

"Oh! Emo boy's standing up for his boyfriend." He smirks.

"Fuck you." I say coldly. He flips me off and cross my arms to my chest, sitting down with a stony expression. He pisses me off so much. Harry, seeming to ignore the fog-thick tension, gets food down from the kitchen and sets it on the table in front me. I glare at it for a moment before picking at it with my fork.

As if to mock me, my sleeve slides down, exposing my wrist for a moment. Just as Piers notices I yank it back up angrily, seething, knowing better than to do something stupid like hit him.

**Harry**

Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia return a few hours later, sporting what must be at least a hundred pounds worth of party supplies. They spend way too much on that pig.

"Harry." Uncle Vernon barks.

"Yes Uncle Vernon?" I look annoyed. Draco and I were watching a movie. Dudley and Piers decided to dictate the telly in his room for once.

"We forgot to get ice. Walk up the corner store and get some."

"Can't you just drive?" This is ridiculous.

"No. Go." I roll my eyes and stand up.

"No." aunt Petunia says as Draco moves to get up as well. "No just Harry."

"Why can't Draco come?" I 'm not sure if it's possible for me to be more annoyed right now.

"Because, I don't trust him." she says shrilly. "I can keep an eye on him here." Now Draco looks ready to kill.

"And I can't do that?"

"I don't think its healthy for you to spend so much time around a masochist." I growl under my breath.

"There's nothing wrong with him."

"I don't care." She says. "He stays here." Draco hasn't said a word this whole time.

"I'm not a freak." He whispers. He has his knees pulled to his chest.

"No," Petunia says with her lips pursed, "You're disturbed. Besides, Didykins might need help setting up the party." I watch as he smirks at the name.

"Whatever.". He mumbles. I give Draco a look that says 'hang in there' and storm out of the room.

**Draco**

As soon as Harry disappears I feel lost. I don't belong here. I'm not wanted here. I don't know what else to do but stay here and watch the telly. Maybe they'll ignore me.

I'm starting to realise just how pathetic my attachment to Harry really is. I need him so much…

I manage to get on for about fifteen minutes before Piers trots in, the pig nowhere in sight. He plops down next to me on the sofa and I try to ignore him.

"So, uh… why you cut yourself?" I just stare at the screen. I need Harry. I need Harry now.

"It doesn't matter." I say tonelessly. Piers scoffs.

"Well clearly it does. So, you gay?" I ignore him completely. "You are." He says when I say nothing. "I can tell." I glare at him.

"Go away." I say, my voice clipped.

"Don't worry." I notice his voice has lost the evil quality to it. "I won't tell Dudley. Gotta keep us away from him right?"

"Us?" I lose the cold quality and move into confusion.

"I'm gay too." He states, and with utter repulsion I realise that he's moving closer to me.

"I have Harry." I say firmly. "Back up."

"Well if you're still cutting…" He says. Obviously trying to imply that it's Harry's fault.

"You couldn't possibly understand." I tell him, wishing desperately that he wouldn't get so close.

"Yes well, if you ever need a break from freak boy…" He moves closer and I get off the couch.

"You disgust me." I say coldly. "You're an arse. You don't care about me, you just want a fuck, and that's messed up." Especially considering my current state, I add in my mind. He even KNOWS I'm cutting and he only cares about getting me in bed.

"Ugh." He groans. "You emos are so sensitive." I glare.

"I'm not emo." He scoffs again.

"Yeah. Right." I almost shout at him that I have a reason for doing what I do to myself, and he'd never understand what it's like to live in my shoes, but the door opens in the front and Harry gets home. I shoot Piers one last deathly look and then go to meet him in the kitchen.

I don't say much as I help him put ice in the freezer. I shudder, trying to get the encounter from my mind.

I ultimately decide not to tell Harry.

He tends to get rather jealous, and besides, there's no point. It's not like I'd ever so much as kiss an arse like Piers.

So instead, I check that no one's watching, and wrap my arms tightly around my boyfriend, grateful that someone like him would take time out of their lives to care for someone like me.

I love him so much.

**Sorry for the delay, folks. I had a slight loss of inspiration, but no worries, it's all good. Keep following, Drama to unfold. REVIEW PLEASE. Thanks for reading. **

**xForeversEndx**


	12. Manipulation

**Harry**

Aunt Petunia has been making us help set up Dudley's party all day. It's dark now, his friends are starting to arrive, and I have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Alright Diddykins," Petunia croons in a gratingly high voice that, to my amusement, causes the guests to scoff. "Daddy and I are going now." I stare at her in disbelief.

"You're actually leaving?" I ask, in a voice clearly suggesting that she's stupid. "You're letting him have a party, alone, at night, with a bunch of these shitheads? The house will be destroyed!" She glares at me.

"Duddy asked me to leave." She tells me, looking as though she just sucked on a lemon. "And you better damn well make sure the house doesn't get destroyed. Or that friend of yours will have to go." Draco grabs on to my arm and I reluctantly shake him off, knowing I can't let our secret be exposed.

"I have nowhere to go." Draco's looking at Petunia in utter desperation and for a moment I think he's going to start crying. But he doesn't. I'm proud of him for that. Petunia stares at his desperate look for a moment, and I see something in her eyes that I can't quite identify.

I don't really understand her reaction to him earlier today. She seems almost… pitying. I don't think she'll ever say it, or show it, but I think there's a part of her that's concerned for him. Motherly instincts maybe… but it isn't bad. I smirk a bit. So maybe Aunt Petunia isn't as cold-hearted as she tries to be. She sighs.

"Well, unfortunately, if I kick you out that freak with the beard will show up again. So I suppose you'll have to stay. But mind you, stay out of the way or there will be consequences." Yup. She's definitely not as cold as she tries to be.

**Draco**

Harry's aunt and uncle leave and we turn to watch Dudley begin to tear the house apart the moment the door closes behind them. Dudley's entire school seems to be here, and I'm little surprised that so many people can fit into a house this size. Harry disappears, apparently trying, in vain, to save a vase on the mantel piece.

I glare over Piers, who's chatting with a muggle boy over by the punch bowl. The boy seems as repulsed as I was by his presence, and I weigh the reasons in my mind. Either this muggle is straight, or Piers is just that repulsive. I smile, contenting myself with this, and hoping desperately that he'll hit him.

Harry's voice startles me from behind. I didn't realise he was behind me again.

"What are you staring at?" He asks in mild interest.

"Willing that guy over there to punch Piers." Harry laughs.

"That's Liam." Harry tells me, and I marvel at how he seems to know everything. "Bout as gay as you can get. I'm kinda surprised Dud let him in. He doesn't go for queers." There's amusement in his voice. "If only he knew about Piers." I smirk.

"Yes, well as fascinating as that is, what's the chance Piers'll get decked?" I'm practically itching for it to happen.

"It's not gonna happen, Draco. Liam's never hit anything in his life."

"Damn." I look around at the crowd. "Can we go upstairs Harry?" I want this for two reasons. One: I'm not very fond of crowds. Two: I can't _be _with Harry when there's so many people. "Watching all these couples is making me itch." It's true. I'm overwhelmed by the urge to grab him and snog him senseless. It's difficult to ignore. I try not to look him in the eye, lest the compulsion to attack him becomes too much to resist. Harry seems very tempted by my request.

"Sorry, Draco." And he looks truly, deeply regretful. "I have to keep an eye on things down here." He thinks for a moment. A glint crosses his eye. "But… a few minutes won't hurt." I grin.

"Race you to the top." I laugh as Harry chases me up the stairs.

He manages to catch the back of my shirt just as I get through the door of his room. I turn around in his grasp and pit him against the wall by his wrists. The beat of the music blasting downstairs pulses, and I feel the beat resonate up through my socks into my entire body, urging me forward. Harry's eyebrows are raised, silently urging me forward. I kiss him forcefully, my hand moving up his shirt.

I rub my fingers across his perfectly toned stomach and I feel him shiver. He lets a moan.

"Harry…" I whisper. I move closer, and I know he feels my… arousal… against his legs. I can feel him as well. I'm not ready to go all the way yet. But this… this is heaven.

"Draco." He moans my name, one hand caressing my lower back and the other tangled up in my hair. I, if possible, deepen the kiss, playing with his tongue taking in his taste. I feel my heart beating throughout my entire body. But its not enough. I pull back and trail kisses down his jaw, his neck biting him. This causes Harry to let out this… sound. This… scream… I wrap my legs around him and he holds my weight, returning his mouth to mine.

We're at this for what could've been hours, days, years. It doesn't matter because time is absolutely relative. I even allow Harry to slip his fingers down my pants. Let him feel me, and I'm surprised when it doesn't scare me. I return the favour. Harry then proceeds to trace my stomach, it tickles and this time, it's my turn to moan. And when he bites…

Oh my god.

This is pure bliss. Don't ever stop. Please.

But, then, because the world hates me, there's a crash.

And Harry breaks the kiss.

**Harry**

When I hear the crash, I almost ignore it. I've never, ever, ever, experienced a feeling like this. I don't ever want it to end. Listening to Draco's ragged, heavy breathing. Seeing the pure, lustful desire in his eyes. But reason overwhelms me, and I disentangle myself from his arms.

"Harry don't stop. Please." He moans. I almost go back for one more kiss but restrain myself, knowing that if I start again, I'll never stop.

"Draco, I've got to go see what's going on downstairs." He pouts.

"Fine." He says stubbornly. "But I'm staying here. I'll wait." I roll my eyes.

"I'll be back." I rush down the stairs, stumbling slightly, still a little lightheaded from my encounter with… I smirk to myself as I think of it--- my fierce Dragon.

As it turns out, the broken object is simply a picture frame knocked off the kitchen wall. I sigh in relief as I notice it, and make to find a dustpan to clean it up. Someone catches my eye. A girl with dark hair, dark eyes and light skin is standing in the corner of the living room, a drink in her hand, looking rather uncomfortable. All thoughts of the dustpan forgotten I go over to her.

"Emily?" I ask in disbelief, shocked that my neighbour would reduce herself to one of Dudley's parties.

"Hey Harry." She says shyly. She doesn't seem to be entirely sure how she ended up here. "My you've grown."

"Yeah, you too. What are you doing here? I mean, not that I'm not glad to see you but, Dudder's party?" She shrugs.

"Had nothing else to do. So have I missed much?" I laugh.

"I suppose. I've got a boyfriend now. He's upstairs." Emily raises her eyebrows in surprise.

"Boyfriend?" I shrug.

"Yeah. I guess that makes me gay." She giggles.

"Welcome to the club, Mr. Potter." She says in a mock sophistication, bowing to me. I bow back.

"So, uh, how's your girlfriend?" Emily then proceeds to launch into a lengthy story about Jaimie and I listen with interest. I haven't spoken with her in over a year.

**Draco**

Harry's been gone for a while now, and I'm starting to regain full use of my brain. I'm getting bored. I figure Harry ended up having to save something and is now caught up either yelling at one of Dudley's friends or attempting to fix a broken fragile object. I notice the closet door rattling.

Curious, I open it, and Harry steps out. I'm confused. How the hell…?

"I don't love you, Draco." Harry says. "Your father was right all along. You cry all the time. I can't deal with it. It's pathetic, and so are you. You're a masochist, a freak, and I never want to speak to you again." And then he drops dead.

I stand there for a moment, unable to breathe, tears blinding me. I swipe at them. This isn't real… it hits me. This isn't real. Giddy relief slips over me as I understand that it's boggart. My biggest fear is losing Harry.

Now I'm overwhelmed with the need to go see him. I'm shaking, crying, the words of the boggart Harry running through my head. I attempt to choke back a sob, telling myself to get over it. It's a boggart. The real Harry loves me. Doesn't he?

….

Doesn't he.

I need to go see him.

Now.

I rush down the stairs only to be stopped, of all luck, by Piers. He grabs my wrist and I wince, attempting to wipe away tears that won't stop falling. I need Harry.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." There's a surprising concern to his voice. "Are you crying?" I turn my face away from him.

"Leave me alone." I mumble. "Where's Harry?"

"He's in the living room." I try to shove past him, but he blocks my path, towering well above me. "What's wrong?"

"It's none of your business!" I snap. "Let me go." He doesn't seem at all phased. "I need Harry…" and then I flush, ashamed at how pathetic and needy I sound. Piers ignores me.

"Are you sure Potter's even gay?" He asks. I wipe at my cheeks and look at him like he's dense.

"Well he's dating me." But come to think of it… I don't know. I suppose he's bi. He's dated girls before… and seemed to enjoy it. "He's bi at least." I speak to him as if he's stupid.

"Hmm… okay well that makes sense." He says thoughtfully. I stop midway to wiping at another stray tear. My stomach sinks.

"What makes sense?" What does this arsehole know that I don't?

"Oh, nothing, nothing." He waves a hand carelessly, still blocking my path.

"No, what?" I persist, scared to know what he has to say.

"Oh," his response is airy. "I was just wondering why he was getting so friendly with that girl over there." He looks toward the living room, and sure enough, over his shoulder, I see Harry talking a rather pretty teenage girl, in very animating conversation.

Oh god. I think I'm going to be sick.

The tears really start to spill over now and I press both my hands to my eyes. This is both in embarrassment for crying in front of Piers, and an attempt to rid myself of the image of Harry flirting with someone else.

Piers moves my hands from my eyes just like Harry used to do, and I start to cry harder. I hopeless. I just want to crawl in a hole, and die. Piers sighs.

"Now, now, don't cry Draco. Harry isn't the only one out there. You're worth more than that scumbag anyway." I shake my head. "Of course you are." He's using a tone I didn't think him capable of. "Why waste your tears on him?" I look over at Harry again, and fight not to throw up.

"How could he do this to me…?" I whisper.

"Don't be upset." Piers says softly. "Just do to him what he did to you." I stare at him, not understanding where he's going with this. And suddenly, his lips are on mine.

And I don't push him away.

**I'm so evil aren't I? I promise I won't make you wait too long to find out what happens. I'd rather not be hunted down and killed. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW. Love you guys. Keep reading. Your input is very much appreciated. **


	13. A Close Brush With Disaster

**Draco**

I don't kiss him back. Really, I don't. I can't imagine doing such a thing. But I don't push him away. I just stand, shocked, my mind moving too fast to understand what's going on. Piers is kissing me.

Harry is flirting with someone who isn't me.

Oh god.

Tears run down my face and I can't stop them. It's all so overwhelming…

What's going on?

I hear Harry shout my name.

"DRACO!" Piers backs off of me. I know the whole party is staring but I don't care. All I care about is him. And how he betrayed me.

"Yes, Harry?" I ask, wiping my tears and trying to compose myself the best I can.

"WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM!" I ignore that fact that Harry looks as though he's about to cry as anger overwhelms me.

"WHAT'S YOURS?!" I shout back. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH HER? IF YOU'RE GONNA BETRAY ME LIKE THAT THAN WHY SHOULDN'T I?!" I've never seen Harry look so angry. I'm actually afraid… I back a way a bit.

"SHE'S MY FRIEND!" Harry shouts at me, and recoil feeling my entire body go numb. I shake my head. No. I didn't want this. I didn't want this… oh god. Let this all be a nightmare. "AM I NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE FRIENDS, DRACO?"

"Piers said…" I start quietly and Harry cuts me off.

"I DON'T CARE WHAT PIERS SAID!" He shouts. "YOU CAN'T KEEP LETTING PEOPLE MANIPULATE YOU LIKE THAT!"

"WELL YOU LOOKED PRETTY COZY TO ME!" I shut my mouth tight, screaming at myself. SHUT UP! Stop talking. You ruin everything… oh god.

"SHE'S A LESBIAN!" oh god. What have I done? "AND IT SHOULDN'T MATTER BECAUSE I'M ALLOWED TO HAVE FRIENDS, DRACO!"

"I didn't mean to say that," I answer quietly, no longer trying to stop crying, but giving into the tears. "Please… Harry… I didn't mean that." I watch as a tear runs down his face.

Why do I destroy everything?

What's wrong with me?

"That's not what it seems like to me, Draco." His voice is so cold. So quiet.

No.

No this can't be happening.

He heads toward the door.

"Harry, he set me up!" I call after him, desperately. He ignores me, and as the door slams behind him, I feel my entire life shatter with the sound. I can't breathe. I can't think. I want to curl up in a hole, and die..

I want to die.

I want to die.

I want to die.

I want to…

"Damn, some fight?" I hear Piers' voice scoff behind me, and in one swift motion I turn around and punch him as hard as I can in the face.

"FUCK YOU!" I shout. "YOU JUST DESTROYED MY ENTIRE LIFE AND YOU DON'T EVEN CARE! FUCK YOU!" and then, in a whisper. "he was my last reason to live."

I grab the knife off the top of the refrigerator and leave, slamming the door behind me as hard as I can.

This can't be fixed.

I can't be fixed.

**Harry**

I storm down the streets, tears streaming. I'm fuming.

I'm furious.

I'm murderous.

I stop under a street light and sink to the ground. Pulling my knees to my chest, I cry. And I won't stop.

I'm hurt.

I'm betrayed.

I'm shocked that he'd think I'd cheat on him.

I take deep, shuddering breaths. I stare at the full moon above me.

Why would he do this?

I need him just as much as he needs me…

Oh fuck. He needs me…

He needs me.

_"If you betray me… I won't be able to handle it…" _ The words flow through my head at a sickening rate. _"If you betray me… I won't be able to handle it…" _I get to my feet.

It's different, I try to tell myself. Because I didn't betray him. He betrayed me. The image of him and Piers run through my head, making me sick. But he thought I had. Oh. Fuck.

"_If you betray me… I won't be able to handle it…" _

**Draco**

To my annoyance the girl Harry was talking to runs after me. I run. I don't want her to catch up to me. I want to be alone. I want to die.

I want to die.

"WAIT!" She grabs my wrist and pulls me around. I wince as the gashes there pulse, and throb, screaming in protest.

"Let go, you stupid bitch!" I yell out in pain.

"No." She says stubbornly. "Going to do something stupid."

"I don't even know you! Please, let go. You're hurting me!" She looks confused.

"Hurting you?" I glare at her, the way I used to do to Hermione.

"Yes. It means causing pain." She lets go and I pull up my sleeve to see that some of the cuts have ripped open. Her eyes open wide.

"No." She says, seeing them. "No. Give me that knife, right now." She's commanding. Reminds me a little bit of Harry.

Harry.

I burst into tears.

"Draco…" the girl says cautiously. "Hand it here…" I glare at her through my tears.

"I don't know you."

"My name is Emily." She says gently. She's using a tone of voice that I've only ever heard from Harry and I start to cry harder. "Harry wouldn't want you to do this."

"YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!" I shout. "ACCORDING TO MY FATHER, AND FROM THE WAY HE SOUNDING TONIGHT, HE DAMN WELL WOULD!" She shakes her head.

"It was a misunderstanding. You need to sit him down and explain."

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" I scream. "THIS CAN'T BE FIXED! HE HATES ME NOW!" Emily just shakes her head.

"You hurt him, Draco. He just upset." The fact that she's stayed calm for this long is starting to agitate me.

"YOU DON'T GET IT!" I sob. "HE'S NEVER YELLED AT ME BEFORE!" I break down, having to take breaths between sobs to get my words out. "H-he's n-never l-looked at me with s-so much h-hatred!" I shake my head. "N-not since h-he s-saved me." I wipe at my face. Harry's hatred clear in my mind.

This can't be fixed.

I can't be fixed.

I want to die.

I turn and run away, ignoring the sounds of Emily calling after me.

This can't be fixed.

I can't be fixed.

I want to die.

**Harry**

"DRACO!" I'm running down random streets, yelling his name.

"_If you betray me… I won't be able to handle it…" _

We were out by the lake the day… Maybe he's at the pond. I rush toward to pond, so many thoughts running through my mind. I still can't believe he'd do that to me, and despite my desperation to keep him from doing something stupid, I can't help but be angry. Why would he do that to me? I reach the pond.

"DRACO!" I yell with a sob. "DRACO, PLEASE!" Silence. He's not here. I wrack my brain, trying to imagine where he might be. The park!

I run as fast as my legs will allow, wishing I had my Firebolt. "DRACO!" I haven't stopped crying. I had a feeling this night would be a disaster.

I approach the playground and my heart skips a beat. There's a silhouette of a figure sitting on a swing.

"Draco…" But then my heart reaches my feet.

He has a knife.

**Draco**

I'm at the playground, the knife twirling in my fingers, sitting on a swing. But it's not just any swing I'm sitting on. It's Harry's swing. It's the swing he sits on every time we come here. Written on the seat in a permanent marker, the words _Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy _are written across it. It's his swing. It's our swing.

It's his swing.

And this is where I'm going to do it. This is where I'm going to die. The one place I've ever felt happy is in his arms. And I can't have that anymore. So I'll die. Here. Where I can have the memory of sitting on his warm lap, swinging back and forth to our hearts content. Where I can have a memory of a time when he loved me. I choke on a sob. And pull up my sleeve.

"Don't even think about it." A shaking voice startles me. I look up.

Harry.

It can't be real. He holds out his hand.

"Give me the knife." his town his clipped. He's still mad at me.

This can't be fixed.

I can't be fixed.

I want to die.

I put the tip of knife on my wrist. Right where the original scar begins. Harry sounds panicked now. I think he knows better than to try to grab it from me. Because I'll plunge it directly down the moment he attempts to take it.

"DRACO! Please…"

"Give me reason." My voice shakes, dreadfully. "Just give me a reason, Harry!"

"There was nothing going on between me and Emily!" He yells. He's still mad. He's scared, yes. But he's still mad.

This can't be fixed.

I can't be fixed.

I want to die.

I press the knife harder against my wrist. Pain erupts as it begins to break the skin.

"You still screamed at me." I answer. "You wouldn't let me explain." I look up as blood starts to bead, ever so slightly, around the cut. I know he sees it to. "Give me a reason, Harry." tears run at a steady pace down my cheeks, and I notice, his too.

"Draco…" he whispers. He sobs. "Draco, please." The anger is dissipating. I can see it. I loosen my grip on the knife, just slightly.

"Piers set me up." I sob. "You wouldn't let me explain."

"Draco…" He seems to be at a loss for words, and I start yelling.

"I didn't even kiss him back!" I press the knife down again. "I was crying, Harry! Did you not see that?!" I take a deep breath and stare at the gleam of the blade beneath the moonlight. "Give me a reason!" I yell. "There was a boggart upstairs before I came down you know…" I lower my voice so it's quiet again. "It was you, Harry." I whisper.

Harry sinks down to his knees, so that his tearful green eyes stare into to my own watery orbs.

"It was you." I repeat quietly. Loosening my grip on the knife again. "Telling me you didn't want me anymore." I choke on a sob as Harry stares into my soul. "I came downstairs and I was crying… Give me a reason, Harry." I say again.

"Because I love you." He whispers. I ignore this, and continue with my story, mesmerized by the crystal teardrops gently sliding down his face.

"I was crying, Harry, and Piers blocked my path." I sniff. "He started asking me if you were even gay. I wanted to know why, and he brought up that Emily girl. Give me a reason, Harry." I sob. "I shouldn't have believed him! I know I shouldn't have but the image of the boggart wouldn't go away! I wouldn't have believed him if…" I sob again. "Give me a reason, Harry!"

Suddenly Harry throws his arms around me, sobbing. I drop the knife to the sand, startled. I Wrap my arms tightly around him and cry too.

"Because I love you." He says over and over again. "Because I love you." I collapse into his arms.

"Tell me you mean it, Harry." I whisper. "Please."

"Of course I mean it. Of course I mean it." He sobs. "Don't ever do this again, Draco, please. I'll n-never y-yell at you ag-gain. I should've talked to you first."

**Harry**

I cling to Draco as tightly as I can. I shouldn't have yelled at him. I should never have yelled at him.

"I love you so much." I can't stop saying it. I can't believe that I almost just killed the person who means most to me. "I love you so much." Draco just keeps crying and I cry with him. "I never want to lose you. I'm sorry baby I'm so sorry"

"I-I'm s-sorry t-too!" He manages to get out. "I sh-shouldn't have l-listened to P-piers."

"Shh…" I shush him. "It's okay. If I'd known… about the boggart… oh god Draco I should've listened to you."

After holding on to him for what seems like hours, Draco speaks again.

"I punched Piers in the face after you left." He mumbles this into my shoulder. I pull back with a rather shaky laugh. Good for you, I answer, offering him a very week smile. My entire body is shaking. He attempts to smile back. "You're punch to Blaise would've seemed like nothing." I stare at him for a moment, and suddenly start crying again.

"Don't ever do this again, Draco. Please." He nods, and I watch tears gather in his eyes as well.

"I promise." He whispers. "I promise, Harry, believe me." I nod my head.

"I believe you baby." And strangely, I do. "Now… Let me take a look at that wrist…"

He offers it out to me and as he does,

I cover the knife with sand.

**Alright. There ya go. I was attempting to make this a tear jerker so let me know how it turned out please. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW. Love you. =) **


	14. Aftermath

**Before I start the story I have to make and advertisement. I'm looking for an artist to draw a scene or two for this fic or Lines of Misery. Any scene you'd like. If you're interested, email me. I'll post my favourite drawing on the summary to the fic it's from and on my profile. Thanks =) **

**Draco**

Harry examines my bleeding wrist and I can't stop crying. I really hate this about myself. I cry too much. It's been like this since I was a kid. I start crying, and I can't calm down. Can't compose myself.

Harry's the only one who can calm me down.

And right now he's paying attention to the cut on my wrist. It's deeper than I remember making it. I must have hit the artery right on. Because it won't stop bleeding. I sniff and speak in a voice that shakes way more than I'd care to admit.

"My fingers are tingling." I tell him. Gods. Why can't I calm down? I guess almost killing myself it's a justifiable reason… Harry looks at me, worry in his eyes.

"Tingling?" He touches the end of a finger tip and it erupts in strange feeling that I can't explain. I nod, and use my uninjured hand to wipe at my pale cheeks.

"It's probably just the cold." I say in a thick voice. Harry looks at me seriously.

"Draco, you probably damaged a nerve. This is really deep." I just sniff and don't say a thing. "You'll probably get the feeling back in a few hours." He says with a sigh. "But there's a chance you won't." I stay silent. "Draco?"

"It hurts Harry…" I say quietly. And as I say it, I'm not sure if I mean my wrist… or just… everything. I can still see him yelling at me in the back of my mind. "Oh god…" I pull my hand away from him and both of my palms to my eyes. I don't care if I'm getting blood on my face. I cry. "Oh god. It hurts so much."

Harry wraps his arms tightly around my shoulders.

**Harry**

I hold Draco tightly, a million thoughts running through my head. He damaged a nerve…

He must have cut so deep…

I grab him tighter, remembering the sight of his lips on Piers. I rub his back as he takes deep breaths, trying to pull himself together.

"I know it hurts, baby." I whisper, feeling myself choke up as well. It hurts me too… "I know it hurts." Draco still won't calm down. And his wrist is still bleeding.

Fuck.

His wrist is still bleeding.

"Shh…" I say soothingly. "it's okay. It's okay now." I run my hand through his damp hair and kiss his forehead. "It's alright, baby." He's slowly starting to stop crying. Which is good. I need to get him home and wrap up that wrist. I take his hands and help him stand up from the swing.

"No more suicide attempts, okay?" I'm practically begging him. It's getting hard to deal with and sooner or later _I'm _gonna need a shrink. He just nods. "Come on. Let's get you home." He's shivering.

He grabs my hand tightly. He seems so vulnerable…

Then again, everyone does after they've nearly killed themselves. As I walk him home, Draco doesn't say a word. His silence scares me.

"You okay, Draco?" He nods. I stop walking and move in front of him so his eyes are in full range of mine.

"Why are you being so quiet?" He shrugs and refuses to make eye-contact with me. He moves to keep walking but I grab his arm. "Talk to me, baby. What's the matter?"

"I just… don't want to say anything stupid… that's all." He mumbles, and looks angry at himself for saying it.

"What are you talking about, Draco?" I watch tears gather in his eyes once more.

"I don't want to make you mad at me again." He whispers in the softest of voices. He bites his lip to keep from crying and I stroke his cheek in an attempt to comfort him. "Don't make me talk about." he mumbles. "I don't wanna cry right now."

**Draco**

This whole thing wouldn't have happened if I would've just kept my mouth shut in the first place. If I hadn't even spoken to Piers. If I hadn't yelled at Harry. I can't have him mad at me again. I can't.

I can't.

So if I don't speak, it will all be okay. No one really wants to hear my voice anyway.

"Draco, don't be stupid." Point noted. If I hadn't told him why I was being quiet, he wouldn't think I'm being stupid.

Why do I mess everything up? I let go of his hand and wipe at my eyes.

I'm not going to cry.

I'm not.

Not over this.

I'm stronger than that.

"As long as you don't do something dense like going around kissing other guys, nothing you say is going to make me yell at you like that again." I bite my lip.

I'm stronger than that.

I take a faint notice of a trickling feeling on my palm and realise that I'm still bleeding. I bring up my wrist to stare a the small, but deep cut right at the vain. It's starting to clot over a bit, but there's still a decent amount of blood. Harry notices me watching this.

"Come on. We need to get you home." I nod and take his hand again.

**Harry**

When we reach the house, I can still hear music blaring, and Uncle Vernon's car is still missing from the driveway.

The party's still going on.

I feel Draco take a deep breath beside me, and I know he's thinking exactly the same thing.

Shit.

I look at him to make sure he's okay. He looks a little sick.

"Come on." I say quietly, letting go of his hand and urging him forward. "It'll be fine."

We walk in and suddenly, a hundred sets of eyes are on us. Some people whistle. Other's laugh. It's a bit uncomfortable, because now our secret's out, and it's pretty obvious that we've both been crying.

From within the midst of wandering eyes, Emily comes out from the crowd, looked extremely hassled, worried, and at the same time relieved.

"Oh thank gods you're alright." She hugs me tightly around the neck, and then Draco, who seems to be caught off-guard by this. She looks at him. "You scared the shite out of me." She takes note of his wrist with a piteous expression. "You're bleeding."

"I know." Draco says dully. The whole party continues to stare.

"Come on. Let's go upstairs." Draco doesn't hesitate to hurry out of the crowd, trying to ignore the calls following both of us. Emily stays at the bottom of the staircase for a moment, looking unsure. Ultimately she decides to follow and saunters up the steps after us.

**Draco**

Harry guides me into the wash room and motions for me to sit on the counter. I sit, and stare blankly at the wall. Right now, I feel about as numb as the fingers on my left hand. It's too much to take in.

Harry guides up my sleeve, exposing the newly made laceration as the girl from earlier pokes her head through the door.

"That looks bad." Her voice is quiet. Emily looks at me with a nervous expression, seemingly worried that I don't want her here. I just stare blankly back. I don't really care. I just want to sleep. Harry sighs, replying to her.

"It is." He starts reaching into cabinets, pulling out bandages, and a bottle of clear liquid that looks like water. He has me slide over on the counter a bit and I do, so he can run the water in the sink. He gently takes my hand and guides my wrist under the stream. I stare at the blood, staining the water, slowly washing away. The cool liquid feels good against the pain. The dark haired girl stands in front of me.

"I'm Emily," she says. "We never got to really meet before." I offer her my right hand as Harry turns of the faucet, satisfied that wound has been cleaned.

"Draco." I say tonelessly. All the energy has been drained out of me. Harry dabs my wrist dry and starts applying some of the clear liquid to a pad.

"This is going to sting a bit." he warns me. "but it will make sure that won't get infected." I shrug and Harry rubs my wrist with the substance.

I take a sharp inhale.

"Fuck!" Harry winces apologetically. "Merlin, Harry you weren't kidding. Just stick a needle in it why don't you?" All I earn is a stern, reprimanding gaze from the man I love.

"If you'd take time to think things through before doing something stupid we wouldn't be doing this right now." He's right.

It's my fault.

"Sorry." Emily sits down on the side of the tub. She looks like she's still trying to catch a breath.

"you have no idea how relieved I am to know that both of you are okay." I notice her hands shake. I can't help it. I open my mouth before I can stop myself.

"Why do you care that I'm alright?" I ask her. "I accused you of being a slut. I yelled at you. I don't know you. Why do you care?"

Why does Harry care?

Why should anyone care?

I'm not worth it…

"Because." She says simply. "You're Harry's boyfriend. I don't want to imagine how upset he'd be if something happened to you." I'm hit with a wave of guilt. "Besides, anyone who's this close to him is a friend of mine." I offer a weak smile.

"I'm sorry, Harry." I whisper. He starts rubbing a white cream on the still-bleeding cut.

"It's okay baby." He looks at me, eyes worn. "But please. Please don't pull a stunt like this again. Four is enough. I need you alive baby. Here, with me." I bite on my lip, not wanting to cry in front of Emily. "Five." I whisper. "If you count second year." Harry frowns and I search for a change of subject.

"What is that?" My voice is curious, which I suppose is a relaxing change from the monotony it's been holding. He caps the cream and reaches for a few bandages.

"It'll help heal that." He says simply. "It also helps clot the blood." Looking down, I realise that the bleeding has, in fact, decreased. The cream is making it thicker, slowing the flow quite a bit.

"Is it supposed to do that?" I glance over at Emily who seems a little confused about the fact that I'm asking so many questions about what, to her, is a common household object.

"Not really." Harry says in reply to my questing. "It's mostly just to heal. But it works when you can't stop the bleeding." He starts wrapping the bandages around my wrist, tight. "Are your fingers still tingling?" He asks.

"Yeah." I touch the tips of them for emphasis. Harry sighs and shakes his head.

**Harry**

I help Draco down off the counter and start asking him the typical questions when it comes to blood loss.

"Are you light headed at all?" He shakes his head. "Dizzy?"

"No."

"Feel cold? Hot? Nauseous?"

"No. I'm okay. Don't worry, Harry. I know when I've lost too much blood." I wince, staring at the long purple scar, and it's twin, running down Draco's other arm. I almost cry at this. My poor Draco… He turns to Emily, who still looks worried.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you." He says quietly. "You were right." I look at her, confused.

"I tried to stop him when he left." She holds up a hand with a band aid on it. "Tried to take the knife." I smile.

"thanks." She shrugs.

"Don't go thanking me, it obviously didn't work." She eyes the bandage on Draco's wrist, appearing disturbed.

"Harry." Draco says quietly. I note his scratchy voice, trying not to imagine how much he's cried tonight. How much I've cried tonight. "I just want to go to bed." I nod.

"I'll go downstairs." Emily says understandingly. "I'll try to get those idiots to shut up about you two." I roll my eyes.

"Good luck." She smiles weekly and heads for the stairs.

I lead Draco to his room and help him change. I know he can do it on his own, but he seems like such a child right now. I feel like I need to help him with everything. He hugs me and crawls under the covers without a word. I bend down to kiss his forehead and he grabs my hand.

"Don't leave me." He whispers. Sighing gently, I lay down beside him, fitting his body against mine. He's shaking.

"I'm right here, baby. It's okay."

"I'm so sorry Harry." He whispers after a moment of darkened silence.

"It's okay." I whisper back. "I love you."

"I love you too." His voice is choked. I think he might be crying again but it's too dark to tell.

"And Harry…" he adds sleepily.

"Yes, Draco?"

"You might want to get rid of that boggart." I don't respond, but hold him close, waiting for him to fall asleep. I'm not going to banish the boggart right away.

I'm afraid to know what it will be.

**I'm sorry for the uneventful-ness to this chapter, but I figured we should take a break from drama. Calm things down a bit. I was planning on ending the story at chapter 15, like Lines of Misery, but I'm not sure now, because I feel like there's still more ground to cover before I can wrap this up. It won't be too much longer though, I promise. **


	15. Harry's Breakdown

**STILL LOOKING FOR AN ARTIST!!! Come on guys, ONE of you must have SOME interest in drawing a scene or two from this or the prequel. Pleaseeee???? I'd do it myself, but I'm horrible and I'd REALLY like to see how you guys portray it. Anyway, enjoy.**

**Harry**

Once I'm fully confident that Draco's gone to sleep, I slowly slip out of the bed. I know the party's still going on and I know the hell we're going to get for this but I don't really care. Suddenly, I'm exhausted. I move toward my own room, only to find that Emily is sitting on my bed, leafing through a book. She looks up.

"I didn't want to go downstairs yet. Besides, I wanna to talk to you. We never got to downstairs." I sigh.

"Do we have to do this now? I'm tired."

"Yes." She says shortly. I sit down beside her.

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything. What's going on with... Draco was it?" I nod, unable to manage anything else as tears sting at my eyes. "He goes to that magic school with you doesn't he?" I nod again, I'd forgotten she knew about Hogwarts. "How'd you meet him, how'd you get together, is he okay?" I roll my eyes, Emily always wants details. Even if it's an inopportune time to get them.

"Well, he's not okay." I start with that. "He's staying here this summer because it's not safe for him to be a home. He has nowhere else to go."

"Death Eaters?" She asks. "They follow that You-Know-Who guy right? Is that why it's not safe?" I try to figure out how to answer this one.

"Not exactly... His dad's a Death Eater. But he's..." Emily finishes my sentence for me.

"Abusive?" I notice a tone in her voice that says she's hoping she's wrong. I nod silently and she frowns.

"How'd you meet him?" I give a small laugh while at the same time wiping moisture from my eyes.

"We used to hate each other. Remember Malfoy? I told you about him." Understanding lights her eyes.

"It's the same Malfoy?" I nod.

"Yeah. But then, earlier last year, I walked into an empty classroom and Draco was there... with a bogart." I stop at her look of confusion. "They're creatures that turn into your worst fear. There's actually one in the closet right now..." I say, suddenly remembering what Draco told me.

"Okay..." She looks at me softly. "What happened?" I sigh. I really don't feel like going through the details of how Draco and I got together, not right after the events of tonight. But I know Emily. She'll persist until she's blue in the face. So I may as well get this over with.

"His bogart... is his father." I start, with a deep, shaky breath. "He was yelling at him, hitting him. Screaming at him for being gay..." I break off for a second. Emily looks horrified.

"That's terrible." She whispers. "If Jaimie..." I sigh and let her go off in her little reverie for a moment, thinking of her girlfriend that I've never met.

"Well," I mumble, "it's not nearly as terrible as he is in person..." She looks up at me, obviously signalling for me to continue. "I banished the bogart for him. He was crying..." I shake my head. "He looked so distraught... It was impossible to believe that this was the same Malfoy I'd known all these years."

"Then what happened?" I sigh again.

"His sleeve had ridden up." I say quietly. "And... and I saw... I saw..."

"His cuts." She finishes for me in a whisper. I nod.

"The next day he found me in the hallway and told me to pretend it hadn't happened. I said I would if he told me what the cuts were from. He told me he did it to himself." I pause, watching the events flash through my mind. "I guess that's when I realised I really cared about him. I was so worried, and then, in potions, he looked like he was trying to not to cry and I KNEW I cared for him because I wanted nothing more... then to make it... go away." My throat's starting to tighten up a bit. I swallow it down. I'm not crying over this.

"Watching someone hurt themselves can do that to someone..."

"He wasn't just hurting himself, Emily! He was deteriorating..." I stop to catch my breath. "I should have noticed it sooner!" My voice is full of so much self-hatred that it surprises me. But I don't take it back. Because it's true. I should've noticed it sooner...

"Harry," Emily says gently. "You can't blame yourself... You noticed just in time. You can't blame yourself."

"Why not?!" I ask her, hating myself more and more by the second. "If I'd noticed, I wouldn't have found him bleeding in the bathroom half an hour later! If I'd noticed, maybe he'd be okay right now!" I'm crying. Oh god, I'm crying. I feel her wrap her arms around me as everything hits me at once.

"Harry... you've done everything you can. And don't you dare say it hasn't helped. He'd be dead four times over if you weren't there." This doesn't help, and the damnable tears won't stop falling.

"But if I'd been there sooner, h-he wouldn't have a-attempted in the f-first place." I sniff, and, ignoring the fact the this entirely humiliating, melt into her touch and allow myself to just cry. To just let the tears fall and feel all of this wash over me. These are feelings I've been holding back since the moment I saw that boggart.

"You can't know that." Her tone is hushed and comforting, and she seems to have no problem with the fact that I'm crying all over her.

"What if he's too far gone?" I ask with sob. This is the first time I've allowed myself to lose hope. "He keeps saying that. He's always saying that! He's too lost to be saved. And I keep telling him that's not true, that it will be okay, but I don't know if that's true anymore!" Emily strokes my hair, knowing better than to interrupt my pathetic rant. I sob softly. "I've tried... I've tried everything I can and every time I think he's getting better it gets worse again!"

"Harry..." She starts. But I cut her off as self-hatred burns through me, making me feel hot, burning.

"If I'd been there sooner, maybe I could've saved him before he was too far gone!" As soon as I've said it, I know it's true. I cry harder, allowing myself to completely break down. I've never, ever let myself think this way. I keep telling myself that it will get better. That he'll be okay.

But I don't know if it will anymore.

After... watching him hold a knife to his wrist, drawing blood, precious blood, IN FRONT OF ME...

I don't know if he'll ever be okay. He's too lost. Too far gone. I'm failing him. I've failed him. He deserves better than me... Someone who can save him.

"I don't want to bury him." I sob into her shirt, realising that exhaustion and emotional strain is making it impossible for me compose myself. I need this. I need to break down for once. I can't always be the strong one. "I can't l-lose him."

"Harry, listen to me." She says firmly, reminding me strongly of myself when I'm trying to calm Draco down. "You _cannot_ blame yourself. It's not your fault." I shake my head. It is. "No, it's not." She persists calmly. "You've been more of a life saver to him than you can ever understand. Draco would be dead without you, do you get that?"

"I guess." I mumble. I can't stop crying. Oh god. What's wrong with me? I'm supposed to be the strong one. If I can't be strong, than how am I supposed to help Draco?

"So how on Earth can you think you've failed him?" She brings my chin up to look at her. "The stress is getting to you Harry, that's all. Draco needs you, and you're doing the best anyone can do right now. You're a wonderful boyfriend Harry. You've saved him." I shake my head.

"Then why isn't he getting better?" I whisper.

"Harry, if he was past being saved, he'd be dead. Now. End of question, because you being there to stop him wouldn't matter. If he was past saving, he would've done it anyway. But he's alive. He's here, sleeping in the next room. Because _you _saved him. _You._" I'm starting to feel a little better now. I sit up and wipe at the tears on my face.

"Sorry about this." I say softly. "It's just... it's so overwhelming!" I start ranting again, and I feel a weight leave my shoulders. I've been needing to say this out loud for months. "I'm the only one he'll talk to. The only one. It's so much pressure, Emily! If I do something wrong, like tonight, poof, Draco's g-gone! He can't be gone! I need him too much! I'm always afraid of what I say, or how to react. I don't even sleep completely at night in case he needs me!"

"Have you ever tried to get him to talk to a therapist?" I give a very humourless laugh.

"Yeah, he was terrified of him. Reminded him of a terrible childhood memory. He told me about it and now I have nightmares. And even if I took him to a different place, he wouldn't talk. I'm the only one. It's so much pressure..." I wipe at my cheeks again. "He's so easily manipulated. I can't be there ALL the time... and... and then things like... tonight happen. I'm so careful with him. I don't want to break him but he's already broken and I'm always there when he cries and don't get me wrong I WANT to be but... it's so hard to see him like this." This last bit comes out in one breath.

Emily brushes my hair from my eyes. "I know."

"No." I say coldly. "I don't think you do." I sniff. I need to get my point across, but there's nothing I can do to keep my voice from shaking. "Every day. _Every _day, I see those cuts. Those scars. And his eyes are always bloodshot from crying. Always. And it kills me. Because every time I look at him, I want, _need_ to take his pain away and I can't. I just can't! Do you have any idea how frustrating that is?! It hurts to look at him and know there's nothing I can do! Cuz' god knows I've tried! I've tried everything and he's just. Too. Lost!" I choke on a sob but continue. "What kind of horrible person can't even make his own boyfriend happy? Why can't I make it better Emily? What's wrong with me!?" She runs her fingers through my hair.

"Shh... Harry, look at me. You were put on... no, look at me." I do. "You were put on this earth to save Draco Malfoy. I know you were. And you are doing a wonderful job." I snort. "I'm serious." She says shortly. "I've seen the way he looks at you. You can't tell me you've never made him happy, Harry. He's probably the happiest with you than he's ever been. You can't give up. It's going to take time but he's going to get better. He's not lost, Harry. I can see it in his eyes. He's going to be okay and until he is, all you can do be there for him the moment he needs you." I offer a weak smile. Her words are strangely starting to make me feel better.

"Thanks..." I say softly. I'm still upset. But it's manageable. "It kinda feels good to get that all out there." Emily just nods.

"I know." She says shortly. I sigh.

"I guess, what it comes down to, is that every time he cries, I feel like I've failed him." She smiles.

"But you've done the opposite, Harry. Because every time he cries, you're there to comfort him. Without you, he'd never stop crying." I shrug.

"I suppose."

"And you know what, Harry? You might want to consider telling Draco some of this." I shake my head right away.

"I can't. I have to be strong. I'm all he holds onto and if I crumble, he's gone too." She has this strange twinkle in her eye that I can't quite understand.

"Each time he's tried to kill himself it's because he thinks no one cares, am I right?" I nod. "So if you explain to him what this is doing to you, he'll realise how much you really do care." I shake my head.

"No. I can't. I know how Draco thinks. He'll start feeling guilty, and stop talking to me about it. He'll stop letting me see his cuts and he'll try not to cry in front of me. That's worse. When Draco bottles things up it leads to... well... this." She sighs, and I don't think she agrees with me, but she isn't going to argue.

"Okay. Well, you have my mobile number. Give me a call if you need to talk." I nod.

"Thanks." I glance at the clock. It's late, and music is still blaring downstairs. But I don't care. I'm tired enough to sleep through a heard of stampeding hippogriffs. "Do you mind if I go to bed now. Petunia will be up and screaming the moment Dudley tells her of this little incident between Draco and me..." I sigh. It's going to be even harder now to keep Draco in his right mind. The Dursely's are going to know we're a couple now...

"Yeah sure. I've got to get out of here anyway. Pass it on to Dudley from me that he throws lame parties." I offer a weak smile.

"Will do."

Emily leaves and I sit down on my bed, turning over everything she's just said. She's right. Draco needs me and I can't just give up on him. He'll be okay.

If it's the last thing I do,

Draco is going to be okay.

**I apologise for the fact that this is ALL in Harry's point of view, but we've spent so much time throughout the story following what Draco's thinking, and we've forgotten about Harry. He was bound to break at some point. Take it from me, it's EXTREMELY difficult having a friend so close to you that's so broken. Anyway, next chapter is back to both POV's. REVIEW PLEASE!!!! You guys have been getting lazy with those. **

**P.S. Anyone wanna draw a picture? **


	16. The Rose Garden

"_A rose is the most painful thing. It draws you in until it leaves you broken. Lost, alone, and covered in thorns..." _

Draco

When I wake up, the first thing I want is to see Harry. After last night's events, I don't even want to imagine life without him. My wrist stings badly under my wrappings and my fingers still tingle, a constant reminder of what I almost did. I sneak quietly into Harry's room, even though I know it's still to early for the Dursley's to be up. Harry's sound asleep.

Trying not to wake him up, I crawl in next to him wrapping his arms around me and just lay there. I need to feel him close to me. I listen to his breathing and try desperately not to think of the night before. That was night. This is morning. There's sun shining through the window across his carpet, and last night never happened. I mess with my nerve-damaged fingers.

It never happened...

Harry

I wake up to find Draco in my arms, and by the pace of his breathing, I realise that he's not asleep. I smile to myself and pull him closer to let him know I'm awake. After the hell we went through tonight I'm expecting him to be a little more clingy. I almost sigh. Just as he began to gain his independence, he's going to be more terrified of losing me than ever.

I ultimately decide not to tell Draco about my breakdown last night. I know he deserves to know what this is doing to me, but I don't trust him. He'll start bottling things up for my sake, and then we'll be right back where we started.

"You okay baby?" I ask him softly. He's never done this before. He shrugs but doesn't say anything. I'm not really sure if I want to know the reverie that I interrupted. "How's your wrist?" I don't want to bring it up but I don't have to.

"It stings." He says quietly. He turns around and I see a blank expression on his face. I frown. Something's wrong.

"Baby, what's the matter?" He chews on his lower lip for a moment.

"I can't stop thinking about last night." He says it just as tonelessly and monotonously as a moment ago. He sits up and starts fingering the bandages wrapped around his wrist. I take a deep breath.

"There's no way to take it back, Draco. We just have to move forward." He stares for a moment and nods.

"My fingers are still numb." He whispers. I frown again and get out of bed, pulling him up with me. I gently place my mouth on his in a gentle kiss. He seems more fragile today than he's been in a long time. I lead him into the loo and set him at the counter again. I start unwrapping the bandages he's got and inspect the offending wound.

Draco

Harry examines my wrist again, repeating the same process we went through last night. I don't know why, but I feel numb. Completely, and utterly, numb. Not my wrist. I can feel the pain. God, can I feel the pain. But... emotionally...

I feel lost. Detached. I can't even feel completely attached to Harry. But I don't want to let him out of my sight. If I can't see him, feel him, it's like he's not even there...

I need him.

"I messed us up." I whisper it slowly, and at first I didn't realise I'd even spoken out loud.

"What are you talking about Draco?" Harry speaks as though he's handling broken glass. In a way he is, and I still can't speak in any less a monotonous tone.

"I broke your trust." My voice is quiet. "I cut again. I attempted again. I accused you of cheating. I messed us up. You probably don't even want me anymore." The detached emotionless sound to my voice scares me. Why the hell can't I manage anything else? Harry finishes wrapping my wrist and kneels down, looking me straight in the eyes.

"Draco Lucius Malfoy." He says sternly. "Of course I still want you. No matter what you do, I will always want you. Need you. I'd die for you." I look at him.

"I'd die for you." I whisper. "You know I would."

"Draco, I'm right here. You know that." I stare for a moment, trying to tell if he's lying. But I don't see anything that isn't sincere so I nod and wrap my arms around his neck, put my face in his shoulder and just breathe. I don't say a word, I don't cry, I don't do anything but just take in his scent, lost in the feel of just having him close to me. Just touching him. Having him hold me.

We stay like that for minutes, hours. I toy with his hair between my pale finger tips and close my eyes. I need this. I need him. Harry won't let go of me until I'm ready. I know he won't. I feel like a child. If he lets go, I'll be lost, alone, scared. I need him close to me. So I hold him and think...

What have I done to deserve this?

I don't deserve this?

I don't even understand why he loves me, but I don't care. Because I have him. Even after I messed everything up, I still have him. And now, even though his family knows, and my life is going further to hell, his arms can comfort me. I feel at home here. I don't ever want to let go.

Harry

I wish I could understand what's driven to Draco to such silence. In all honesty, his calmness unnerves me. He's sitting on the counter, his arms around my neck, clingy to me like a child, his face buried in my sweater and he's saying nothing. He's not even crying. He's tone's been so empty all morning... like someone took the life from him. And I hold him too. I don't want to lose my baby.

After quite awhile of this Draco pulls away and stares blankly at the wall behind me. I sigh. I have to say something.

"Draco, that cut looks like it needs stitches. I doubt it will heal fully on its own. Especially if it's deep enough to hit a nerve..." He shrugs.

"I can't go to a muggle hospital. Your family won't pay. And if I go to Saint Mungo's they'll put me on suicide watch. It'll have to heal on its own." It's the most he's said all day.

"If it doesn't start to scar over in 4 days we're getting medical help." I say. "End of question."

Silence.

"Okay." I wince. What's wrong with him?

"BOY!!!" I hear shouting from downstairs. I rub the bridge of my nose.

"Oh dear." I say softly. "Come on, Draco." He grabs my hand, showing absolutely no intention of letting go. He's acting so strangely today...

With no obvious choice I lead Draco into the living room, his hand still connected to mine. Uncle Vernon becomes a shade of purple that I've never seen before.

Draco

Harry's uncle looks like he's about to shout, but seems to think better of it. Instead he grits his teeth and speaks with a VERY forced calm tone.

"Please. Sit." Harry and I sit, and I move myself very close to him. Harry looks quizzical. I know I'm acting oddly but I don't care. I can't be separated from him. Not right now. I can't handle that. I notice Dudley smirking in the kitchen. Clearly he's told Harry's family.

"Explain the meaning of this." He says bluntly, referring to our joined hands. Harry takes a deep breath, and takes the plunge.

"Draco and I have been dating for the past few months. Ever since..."

"Ever since I tried to kill myself." I mumble it, half in whisper, speaking more to myself than Vernon. He's eyes bug out of his head.

"So, it's bad enough that you're both... both..." Harry rolls his eyes.

"Wizards, Uncle Vernon." He glares at him and I shrink closer to Harry, wishing I could hide my face in his shirt but refraining, not wanting to be entirely pathetic. I'm already nearly sitting on his lap as it is.

"Yes, that. Not only that but you're both emotionally disturbed." He spits out the word disturbed, looking at the place where my arm is wrapped. "But now you're... you're... queers too?" Harry sighs.

"Yes, Uncle Vernon, we're gay." He goes from purple, to maroon and back again.

"You best be lucky I don't have a choice but to keep you here, boy!" he rounds on me. "And you! We'll not be paying for your hospitals bills when you're being the freak you are. You best mind yourself, boy." He looks at the both of us, disgusted. "And I DON'T want to see you touching." I purse my lips together and wince.

I release Harry's hand, trying to ignore the loneliness I'm rushed with the moment I do. He's right there. I see him. But I feel miles away. Like he's gone. I can't feel him.

He's gone.

Fuck. What the hell is the matter with me?

"I see that bandage on your arm boy." He's still glaring toward me. "And I'll not have that in my house." I nod. Biting my lip against the sudden, desperate tears threatening to fall.

"Let him alone, Uncle Vernon." Harry speaks to him as he usually speaks when he's trying not to break me. I can't have hostility right now. He seems to realise that. "Please. Not now." He glares one more time and stomps out of the room just as I feel the warm wetness of tears against my cheeks. I'm not making a sound. I'm not sobbing. But still, the tears fall in steady streams, and I have no way to stop them as Harry wraps his arms tightly around me shoulders.

"You're okay." His voice is hardly over a whisper. "Draco, it's alright." I push myself up against his warm body, needing to feel him again. He's real. He's here. Why do I have to keep convincing myself of that?

Why am I having such a hard time understanding that Harry is a real, living human being who actually loves me? Someone who actually cares?

"Harry." I whimper into his chest.

"Shh... I'm right here, baby. I'm right here."

Harry

Draco is officially scaring me. I've never, ever seen him like this. So unattached. So... empty. Even as he cries it feels as though the emotion's gone. What's happening to my Draco? I rub his back lightly, not caring that Aunt Petunia and Dudley are watching from the kitchen door.

"Come back to me Draco." Is all I say. "Yesterday is over. It's right now we need to live for." I figure I'll give it another day before I completely start to worry. I'll let him attach to me for a day. I doubt he'll let go of my hand until bed tonight, and I'm starting to find the chances of getting him to sleep alone are rather slim.

When the tears have turned into nothing but small sniffles I pull him up from the couch.

"Let's get some fresh air, Draco." I'm going to take him to the lake again. Maybe the water lapping on the shore will help. Ignoring the disapproving stares of my family I lead him by the hand out the door.

We walk for quite a few minutes through the empty, sunny, morning streets and still Draco refuses to speak. And as we pass a community garden, he stops. Staring. Hoping I'm catching on to him I lead him into the gate. Finally, he speaks, so softly I can barely hear him.

"I've always loved roses." He moves toward a bush with red flowers on it, gently running his pale white fingers across the petals, pondering it. I have no guess as to what he's thinking. To my great surprise, his fingers slip out from mine as he moves to pull the rose from the branch.

He holds it tenderly in both hands, touching a thorn with a finger on his bandaged arm. I watch in amazement as he stares at the tiny drop of blood that beads on the tip. He holds the rose to his nose, regarding it with almost sacred lament.

"You okay, Draco?" I ask softly, unsure if I should find this moment peaceful or disturbing. He nods.

"They're so pretty..." He says more to himself than to me. "And yet... they cause you to bleed."

"Just like love." I whisper softly. I move up behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist and resting my chin on his shoulder. A single tear makes its way down his cheek as he gently lays the rose on the ground.

Draco's behaviour is scaring me.

"I want to stay here for a little while." He says softly, and rather than sitting on the bench, he sits on the ground in front of it, resting his back against the concrete. He picks up the rose again and twirls it in his fingers, lost in thought. He slides closer to me, so that we're touching. And I can't think of a thing to say.

Draco

I sit in the garden, pondering. My mind is surprisingly blank, as I stare at the flowers and the bees. I close my eyes, allowing to breeze to wash over my face, and take in the mingled scent of Harry, and roses.

There used to be a garden just like this at the manor. Whenever father would hit me, I'd come out and sit among the roses. Sometimes I'd curl my knees to my chest and cry, and other times, I'd just stare. And think. Just like now.

The garden could always calm me down. Always.

Until one day father realised where I'd go after every beating. He didn't like it. He said it was pathetic. That a boy doesn't find solace in flowers. So one day, when I was thirteen, right after father returned and right after Dolohov had violated me once again, I went to find the garden.

But it wasn't there.

Father had destroyed it. Gone. So I curled up in the ashes of what had once been my only comfort and I cried for hours.

I cuddle closer to Harry, staring at the flowers around me, and feel myself become calm. This place has been waiting for me.

It's like I have my garden back. I take a deep breath, and somehow,

I know I'm going to be okay.

**Okay so this chapter was a bit different from the rest of the story. Tell me what you think please!!! I really wanna know. Sorry bout the rose thing. Couldn't help it. I'm fascinated by them. Therefore, Draco is too. ^_^ REVIEW. I beg you!**


	17. It's Time To Gain Some Ground

**Attention: someone reviewed last chapter offering to draw a scene or two. I would like to inform that person that I would absolutely love that. Just so you know, if you've been putting your email address in the reviewer name thing, all I'm getting is a pair of parenthesis. The website removes those, so I had no way to reply. **

Harry

I sit with Draco in the garden for hours, and he never says a word. The longer we're here, the more afraid I get. His face is so... blank. I've never seen him so expressionless. What is he thinking? I want to know so badly.

I honestly can't tell if this... episode... is good or bad. On one hand, he could be healing. Maybe he needs time to just think things through, muse about life. But if that were true, he'd want to be alone, not clinging to me, right? Because on the other hand, how I'm I supposed to know he's not relapsing into insanity?

Am I losing him?

Or am I getting him back?

Draco

Harry will never understand how grateful I am for that fact that he hasn't lost patience with me yet. He's stayed here with me this whole time, while I've done nothing but stare.

But I haven't just been staring...

I've been thinking. About everything. And I feel so guilty for it... but I'm still trying to figure out if life is worth living. I'm such a horrible person. I've done all this to Harry... after all he's done for me.

I wish I could be a better person. He saved me, and STILL, I cut. I stood on the ledge, I held the knife to my throat, to my wrist. I accused him of cheating on me. I let Piers manipulate me...

I Let Him Kiss Me.

Oh god. And now, he's sitting in this damn garden with me while I STILL contemplate the idea of suicide. I'm going to be okay. Right?

Please. Tell me I'm going to be okay.

Suddenly, this garden isn't so comforting. Why, after hours of sitting here, is it suddenly scary and foreboding? Oh god...

It's all coming back. My father's beatings. Dolohov's... assaults. Blaise's laughter at my pain. Piers.

Harry comes into my mind, yelling at me, screaming at me. And now... now I'm twelve years old. With a sleeping potion. I'm 16, with my wrist's slit. I'm 16, on the ledge of the tower. I'm 16, with a blade to my throat.

I'm 17 years old. And I damaged a nerve cutting deep enough to kill.

It rushes through my mind. Over. And over. Over. Please.

Make it stop.

There's a whirring in my ears. Sounds. Voices. Yelling.

Too much.

Too much.

I take a sharp inhale. A breath I didn't know I was holding.

I can't breathe.

Harry

A sudden gasp jerks me out of my reverie. It's the first sign of life I've seen from Draco since he stopped us here, and all the sudden, he's taking deep, sharp, shuddering breaths, half sobbing as tears start to stream down his face. He's hyperventilating. Fuck

My baby's having a panic attack. I put a hand on each of his shoulders and try to get him to look at me.

"Draco! Draco, breathe. You're okay. I'm right here." He doesn't seem to hear me. Fuck. I don't know what I'm supposed to do... "Draco, please."

"Harry." His voice is shaky, terrified, I wrap my arms around him and hold him tight.

His breath starts to come back, slowing into an easier pace and Draco clings to me, as tightly as he can, with shaking arms, reduced to sobbing into my shoulder. My heart is beating extraordinarily fast. I thought I was going to have to call ambulance for a moment.

"Draco... Draco please. What's wrong?" And still, he won't talk to me. I close my eyes, fighting back tears.

As Draco cries I make a decision. I'll give it a few days. A few days and that's it. But if he doesn't start talking to me by then, I have no choice but to get a therapist involved. Obviously a different one, but a professional. Because I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe his is lost...

I ignore the lump in my throat and remember what Emily said...

He's going to be okay. And I'll help him.

Draco

I'm not sure what's going on...

I haven't had a panic attack like that since... probably fifth year. I'm thinking too much. I'm trapped inside my own thoughts.

"Draco... Draco please. What's wrong?" I don't answer. I can't. I don't know how because I don't know what's wrong. So I cry, trying not to think of how much I'm worrying him.

I hear a female voice from near us.

"Is he okay?" She sounds worried. Emily.

"I don't know." I wince as Harry's voice is choked and try to stop crying. I can't do this to him anymore. It's not fair. _I'm sorry Harry, _I think desperately. _I'm sorry._ I have to get better. If not for me, then for him. "I think he just had an anxiety attack..." I sniff, take a deep breath, and hold it, forcing back sobs. Forcing myself to stop crying. Forcing myself to be in control. I can't do this to him.

I look up from Harry's shoulder and wipe at my face, looking at him intently. I try to apologise with my eyes, because I don't want to speak right now. I feel sick. I don't know if I want to speak again ever. The world is better without my voice. Harry is better off without listening to me whine all the time. I'll just stay silent.

He sighs shakily.

"It's alright." He says, very softly. I think he understands. "Why won't you talk?" He's asking very gently. I must seem so fragile to him. I AM fragile...

"There's nothing to say." I whisper in the lightest of whispers. Harry bites on his lower lip, what I usually do to keep from crying. I turn away from him and just cuddle up as close as I can. This is half to comfort him, and half to comfort myself. He holds me tightly. Harry looks at Emily meaningfully.

"Draco," She says softly, "what do you mean there's nothing to say?" I ignore her and try to get closer to Harry. "Draco?" I hear Harry sigh.

"Just let him sort things out for a bit." He says. "There's no point trying right now."

"Thank you." I whisper. I stare back out at the roses, past Emily's concerned expression. I know I'm worrying them. But I can't help it.

Harry

I think back to last year when I was going through a similar situation. I did go silent for a period of time because there was so much to think about...

So maybe this is a good thing. It means he's not trying to shove it all away. He's contemplating it, and with careful supervision, I suppose that allowing him to just reminisce can be therapeutic in a way. But again, with supervision. I'm not going to be letting him out of my sight for a second, because along with this reverie, comes pain. I don't want him doing anything stupid. I wrap my arm around him and rub his opposite shoulder. He's stopped crying and he's staring off into space again.

I figure that even though he won't speak to me, he'll at least listen to me.

"Draco..." I say softly, comfortingly, "Draco, listen to me. What happened yesterday is over. It's not going to change anything between us. I don't love you any less and I know it's the same for you. I don't know what's brought this on, but you can't let it over power you. Everything you're thinking about is in the past. It's done. It's time to look forward. It's going to be okay." Draco doesn't respond other than the silent tears that start slipping down his pale cheeks. He buries his face in my shoulder again and I hold him tighter. Emily gets up and wonders toward the other rose bushes, sensing a private moment.

"You mean the world to me, you know that?" I say. "I'm not going to rest until we get through this. I love you."

"I love you too."

Draco

After ages in the garden with Harry and Emily, it starts getting easier to breathe. Some of the oppression lifts from my shoulders. The sun, though still not bright and happy, doesn't seem so dark. I start to notice the colour of the roses. I can smell them through the air, and I hear the birds chirping. It all still seems distant from me, so close but so far, as though I'm banned from joining the world. But it's closer than it used to be.

I take Harry's hand and stand up, indicating that I want to go. I hold his hand tightly, tighter than necessary, just to prove to myself that he's still there. And with each negative thought, and each horrible memory, I used the feel of his fingers in mine to prove to myself that it doesn't matter. That I have something to live for.

As we walk, I decide to tell Harry about the garden at the manor.  
"There used to be a rose garden at the manor." I speak so quietly, I didn't think he could hear. But he turns, a gentle, patient expression across his face. "I'd go there every time father hit me." I continued. I ignore the look of pure sadness written across Emily's face. I keep speaking in a voice low as a whisper.

"and every time... every time he..." My voice cuts off and the tears in my eyes faster than I can comprehend.

"You don't have to say it, Draco." Harry says very softly, piecing me back together with the tone in his words. "It's okay." I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head.

"I have to." My voice is shaky, choked. I know I need to say it. I need to come to terms with it. "Every time Dolohov..." I take a deep breath and whisper, "touched me." I sniff and wipe the stray tears from my cheeks, briefly noticing Emily's horror. She hadn't known.

"One day father found out where I kept running to." Harry's green eyes bore into mine. "He destroyed it." I say quietly. Harry leans forward, kissing me softly. When we break apart I don't say a word. I'm done speaking for now.

Harry

When we get back home, Draco stays firmly attached to my arm. Emily heads off for her own home and I lead Draco to the house, expecting a list of chores. What I find is unexpected. Uncle Vernon gladly pretends we're not there and Dudley runs out of the room, though not before smirking at the sight of us. It's the look in Aunt Petunia's eyes that's peculiar. Sympathetic. It doesn't seem that she's even trying to hide it.

"You two stay out of your Uncle's way." She demands, but the ice to her voice has melted. I marvel at how absolutely vulnerable Draco must seem if aunt Petunia is worried about him. Vernon's look of disgust however, shows no signs of sympathy.

Draco

Harry and I spend the afternoon in his bedroom, cuddling. We just take the time to listen to each other breathe. After a while, Harry brings me down stairs, trying to coerce me into eating. Ultimately, I listen, knowing there's no way to convince him otherwise.

We cuddle on his couch and watch something on the telly. I don't know what. I wasn't really paying attention. Only to the feel of his arms around me.

I fall asleep listening to the sounds of Harry reading me muggle stories. Stories I've never heard before. I allow myself to sink back to my childhood, imagining that I was five years old again. Only this time, instead of beatings, I was read stories before bed. Instead of shouted at, I was gently tucked in, bade sweet dreams, and given a stuffed animal to hold. The way it should be.

Harry's voice is like a lullaby, and I drift off, into pleasant dreams, nuzzled securely into his arms.

I feel safe here.

Don't ever let this go away.

Harry

Draco falls asleep in my arms, and I watch him, like an angel. I smile gently. He has his thumb in his mouth again. I wonder if he knows he does that when he sleeps. I've never told him. I don't want to embarrass him. After all, he's nearly seventeen years old. I wait for a least an hour before even trying to move. When I do, I softly slip away downstairs to the computer.

I have something I need to do.

Draco

I awake very early in the morning. Just after sunrise, still wrapped warmly in Harry's arms. I glance at the clock. 5:10 AM. Something catches my attention on the nightstand, just below the device. There's a piece of paper, folded so that it stands on its own. My name is scribbled on the front. Careful not wake Harry, I grab it, unfold it, and read what it says.

_Shake it off._

_Pick yourself up, they say._

_Your life fell apart in your hands, and you've got the scars to prove it._

_It's not the first time, and they're getting deeper._

_Pull it together._

_Button up your shirt._

_Roll down those sleeves._

_Don't let them see how you've coped._

_More and more your demeanour looks like quicksand._

_It seems you're giving up on everything you've worked for._

_It's pulling you under._

_It's gripping you around your throat._

_Life can be overwhelming, but don't turn your back on the strongest crutch you've ever had. _

_They have always been there to brace your fall._

_Wave goodbye to the past._

_You've got your whole life to lead._

_It's time to gain some ground. _

I stare at the paper with trembling hands and tearful eyes.

"It's time to gain some ground." I whisper this softly, before folding the paper, clutching it in my hand, and falling back to sleep.

**There you go. Let me know what you think please. The ending may be a bit sappy, but the poem has back round with me. A few years ago, when I was behaving like Draco, my friend found this poem. I still have it. It helped me. How come it shouldn't help Draco?**


	18. I Think I'm Ready

Harry

"Harry!" Hermione throws herself at me in a breath taking hug. Ron stands back looking amused. Hermione releases me to embrace Draco.

"Good to see you too Hermione." I turn to Ron. "How was your summer?"

We're standing at King's Cross station, the Hogwarts Express steaming loudly behind us. Draco is clinging tightly to my hand, long sleeves covering his scars, seeming entirely relieved to return to the school. It's been a few weeks since I left Draco that poem and he's been steadily getting better and better. He's been getting much better about the cutting, though he's had a few relapses. One of them, unfortunately, being last night.

Thankfully though, he's been talking. About everything. For once I'm not actually worried that he won't live to see his 18th birthday. I think he's finally okay.

Draco

Harry and I board the train, and I still haven't said anything. I know Harry worries when I go silent. But he really shouldn't. I'm okay. I can say this truthfully now. The four of us find an empty compartment and I take the window seat, staring intently as the train pulls away. It's a new year. I can start over. My father was arrested by aurors over the summer and Dolohov was killed in the raid.

That poem Harry left reminded me that I can't push away the people who are trying to help me. The next day, I took him out the garden and talked for hours. I told him everything. Even the little insignificant details of my childhood, and by the end, I felt lighter. I've been fighting to get better ever since.

The feeling in my fingers still haven't returned, and Harry says that unless Madam Pomfrey can fix it, it's going to stay that way. The feeling reminds me every day of what I nearly did. I haven't been cutting nearly as much lately. But last night...

Last night the anxiety got to me. I was terrified to come back. Because of Blaise and the other Slytherins. Harry caught me with the knife and I'd burst into tears. He calmed me down real quick and told me that we're going to talk to Dumbledore when we get to school and see if I can come stay in the Gryffindor dorms this year.

I know he'll let me.

I look away from the window and rest my head on Harry's shoulder, closing my eyes. Hermione's voice reaches my ears.

"How have you been, Draco?" I open them and look at her.

"I'm okay." I say softly. I roll up my sleeve and show her my wrist. "I slipped up a bit, but I'm alright." She frowns at the cuts and then looks up at me.

"I'm glad you're okay, Draco. You gave us quite the scare last year." I nod.

"I'm sorry." I whisper. I'm still fighting to get better, but for once, I have hope. I'm going to be fine. I still cling to Harry and I don't know how long it will be before I can let go of that, but otherwise, I've been pretty independent.

Harry

Draco is resting on my shoulder when the door to our compartment slams open. It's none other than Blaise Zabini standing in the doorway. I glare at him.

"What do you want Zabini?" He ignores me and looks at Draco, who's picked his head off my shoulder to glare at him as well.

"So, Malfoy. I heard you're dad got locked up." He clearly meant it as an insult. Me, Ron, and Hermione all have our wands out, but Draco stays calm.

"Yup." He says simply. "Good thing too. He was an abusive bastard" I smirk at the uncomfortable expression that crosses Zabini's face at this admission.

"Whatever. Surprised you didn't kill yourself, Malfoy. Why didn't you? We would've been glad to get you out of our room?" Pain flashes his face for a split second but he composes himself. I stick my wand in Zabini's face.

"Get the fuck out, Blaise." Draco looks at him coldly.

"Actually, Blaise, I almost did. Harry stopped me. And you don't have to worry about me being in your precious dorm anymore. I'm staying with the Gryffindors this year." Blaise smirks.

"Good." He leaves it at that and struts out of the compartment.

Draco

As the train takes us into the night, I rest my head in Harry's lap, and I can't help but smile. No matter what, he's always here.

He's putting me back together.

Just before I fall asleep, I whisper, gently into Harry's ear.

"I think I'm ready." He smiles, huge and Hermione and Ron raise their eyebrows.

"I know Dolohov wouldn't hold you back forever." I smile, close my eyes, and fall asleep.

Yes, I'm sure of it now.

I'm going to be alright.

...

It's all going to be alright.

**That's it, folks. REVIEW PLEASE. For the whole story. Before anyone asks, no, I don't plan to write a sequel. I'm working on a one-shot, and my novel at the moment. I think I've wrapped this up nicely. Let me know what you thought of it all, please. Thank you so much for reading. You've all been wonderful =) **


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